New Posts

I am getting the feeling the movie challenge isn't particularly entertaining people. (Maybe I should have done it AFTER the guy challenge!) At any rate I'm going to keep doing it (mainly because half of them are written and all of them have movies assigned to them), however I have some new posts that I'm throwing around in my head. The last week and a half have been, well, a challenge. These days have been emotional and exhausting and amazing all at the same time and I am excited to write about some of them, but it's going to take a little bit. Never fear loyal readers there will be more entertaining stuff besides just the fluff coming soon! (I haven't written a "real" post since May 15...wow! Just wait, it will be worth it, I think)

Movie Challenge: Day 3

a movie that makes you really happy

Sex and the City



Say what you wish, but I love Sex and the City. When they announced that they were coming out with a movie version after several years of the show being off the air I was ecstatic! I have happy memories from this movie, even if it did foreshadow the end of a relationship for me. (For more on that read this post)

Overall watching SATC the movie was like visiting old friends and that is always fabulous!

Movie Challenge: Day 2

the most underrated movie

I have two for this one

Running on Empty

My junior year of college I took a film narrative class as an elective. We watched all kinds of interesting movies, one of which was Running on Empty. I grew up in a time when some of the most talented celebrities of my generation overdosed, including River Phoenix and Kurt Cobain. This film stars River Phoenix. It is a great film anyway, but knowing that just a few short years later he would be gone made it even more powerful. The story follows a set of parents who were protesters of the Vietnam War and their run from the FBI. If you have not seen this one I suggest you check it out.

Life as a House

This film stars Hayden Christensen, who in a lot of ways reminds me of River Phoenix. This is another amazing film that tugs at the heartstrings, but didn't get a whole lot of press.

Movie Challenge: Day 1

the best movie you saw during the last year

The Social Network

Anyone who knows me is aware that I am facebook obsessed. I jumped on this little bandwagon in 2005 after some persuading from my friend Jenna. I am happy to say that I had an account with THEfacebook, not just facebook, and I remember when it was only available to those who had university email accounts. I had a facebook account long before I had a myspace and that was a pretty short lived little venture.

As for the movie, I loved it. It was interesting to see somewhat how this silly little website that catches most of my attention during the day came to be. And yes Mark Zuckerberg if you break up with your girlfriend I am available!

Leaving you with a funny:

Movies, Movies, Movies

Coming soon, hopefully starting tomorrow, the thirty day movie challenge! I have all the movies picked out, just have to write the posts to go with them.

Ten Guys, Ten Days: Number 10

Thank you for being out there, somewhere. You give me a person to look forward to. I hate that I feel like I'm wasting time without you, but I know when the time is right we'll have the rest of our lives together.

Ten Guys, Ten Days: Number 9

Though I will never see you again, thank you for saying I was beautiful when I was the sickest I have possibly ever been in my life.

Ten Guys, Ten Days: Number 8

Thank you for showing me what a real father is like and giving me something to look for when I am looking for a husband.

Ten Guys, Ten Days: Number 7

Thank you for making me realize that there are other fish in the sea. Even if you were not the fish for me it was nice to care about someone else for once.

Ten Guys, Ten Days: Number 6

Thank you for giving me a reason to keep my defenses up. It is guys like you that make women not trust their men. I will never understand how you can say you love her and then blatantly cheat on her.

Ten Guys, Ten Days: Number 5

Thank you for reminding me that I loved before and will love again. Thank you for reminding me how far I have come. Thank you for reminding me that I really don't "need" a guy. Thank you for reminding me that I don't need to be rescued.

Ten Guys, Ten Days: Number 4

Thank you for reminding me that true love does exist. Thank you for reminding me that there are good guys out there.

Ten Guys, Ten Days: Number 3

Thank you for reminding me that douche bags still exist and to watch out for them.

PS
It doesn't matter how long you wait, girls go back and look at facebook news feeds, as far back as we can.

PPS
There is a little "x" in the corner that can make stuff you don't want people to see go away. My gift to you.

Mating Rituals of the North American WASP

I started this book at the beginning of March and finished it today. Keep in mind that in that time I also did the majority of the work for 9 hours of grad school, so I get a little bit of a pass. Now that we are to summer and I'm only taking one online class I should be reading a lot more frequently (especially once the pool is open!).

As for this book, even though I was busy it did take me quite awhile to get into it. It is not written in first person, which was a negative for me because I prefer first person. It is partially set in New York, which is a bonus (most books I read tend to be set in NYC). The storyline caught my attention:

Girl goes to Vegas for a bachelorette party. Guy goes to party for business. Girl and guy get drunk and wake up next to each other the next morning. Girl bolts. Guy calls a few days later and informs her that they are married. She lives in NYC running a business, he lives in Connecticut as the quintessential WASP managing the lacking family portfolio. A business arrangement is made between the two as a way make some money. Girl is "engaged to be engaged" to someone else. A relationship of sorts starts with the girl going to Connecticut to play WASP wife on the weekends for a year.

Overall once I got into it I really enjoyed it. I would recommend reading it, but beware it is a little slow at first!

Book Reviews!

I'm going to start something new! Book reviews! No stars or anything like that, just my opinion of the books I finish (and I'll go back and do the ones I've read recently). Generally speaking I don't read anything of great literary value, usually just stuff that catches my eye, so if you are into great literature don't read these reviews! If you like fun easy to read books and chick lit then this is for you!

Ten Guys, Ten Days: Number 2

Thank you for thinking I'm adventurous, because I certainly never saw myself that way. Thank you for reminding me that the right guy is out there, but the timing has to be right too. Thank you for making me see that confidence is one of the most attractive qualities. Thank you for showing me that I need a man in my life with a drive equal to mine that will not be jealous of my success.

Technicolor

Yesterday Chris continued his series on facebook with a sermon entitled "status update." The general gist of the sermon was that words have great power and we have the choice to use those words for good or for evil and that what we say shows who we are and what we believe in

In an interesting turn of events I was faced with a real life scenario illustrating his point last night. There was a huge misunderstanding regarding the acquisition of some property. Due to this misunderstanding a "friend" on facebook took the situation incredibly wrong and posted a slanderous facebook post about me. There was no doubt in my mind who it was about. (It was pretty obvious and left little to the imagination)

At that moment, in seeing the conduct of this person, I made the conscious choice to remove them from my "friend" list on facebook, as well as the others involved in the situation. To be quite honest this is something I should have done months ago because these people are not my friends, however I don't generally remove people from facebook; the situation must be pretty severe for me to resort to that. In this particular circumstance I felt it was severe enough for me to "unfriend" this group of people.

This was not done out of spite. It was due to the fact that I do not wish to be associated with individuals that would use words in a such a hateful manner. I will be the first to admit that I am guilty of gossiping when I shouldn't, however to blatantly slander another individual in such a public forum is beyond ridiculous and out of my realm of comprehension.

I find it so interesting when Chris' sermons align so well with real life. I think it is important not only to watch how we personally use words, but also to watch those people that we associate with and who we consider to be our friends.

The people that you surround yourself with are the people that others will consider you to resemble.

Personally I do not wish to be associated with people who cannot act like adults when they are in fact, at least chronologically, adults.

Rather than condemning these people I will say a prayer for them.

• I pray that they find some peace in their life, for it seems to me that they are lacking some peace.
• I pray that they find happiness in themselves, for it seems to me that they are lacking happiness.
• I pray that they find contentment in their life, for it seems to me that they are lacking contentment.

I leave you with a quote:

Show class, have pride, and display character. If you do, winning takes care of itself. ~"Bear" Bryant, University of Alabama football coach

Ten Guys, Ten Days: Number 1

Thank you for always being there for me, whether it is to cry to you, hide me when I'm tired, or just have a fun night with. We may have not been close growing up, but I am glad we are now!

Pomp and Circumstance: Some Observations

Today one of my favorite people in the world graduated college. I can hardly believe that she is old enough to be a college graduate, but she is. It seems like just yesterday I was being dragged through a wedding reception to get cake. That was 14 years, four graduations, lots of hours of studying, too many tests, countless all nighters, hundreds of thousands of words written in papers, and too many tears to count, entirely too much alcohol and debauchery later.

Haley graduated with a degree in Letters today. That's a part of the College of Arts and Sciences. The College of Arts and Sciences is the largest college at OU. What exactly does that mean? It is a REALLY long ceremony. Haley was in about the second row, so after she walked I was a little bit bored and my phone wouldn't work to play on facebook or anythings, so I just jotted down some observations on the day:

• Prior to my graduation next year I need to acquire some loud friends
• Around 11:55 I started to wonder if I really wanted to sit through this for a 4th time (I REALLY love you Mary and Haley!)
• Why didn't I know about multidisciplinary studies?
• Didn't Longar Longar play basketball like 10 years ago? At least he graduated... (I looked this one up just now and he played from 2004-2008, so good for him for coming back and finishing his degree)
• There are lots of blonde zoology grads (stereotyping, but that really surprised me)
• NO ONE looks good in a cap and gown
• But it looks better if you have lots of flair
• Bring extra batteries (my camera died just before they walked out, which really sucked because I had a GREAT seat for picture taking)
• If I get a Ph.D. it must be from a smaller college
• Don't get in line by someone with a military title...your name will sound pitiful
• They put the name cards on a string...I guess so they don't lose them...I think that's smart
• Cell phones work about as well in Lloyd Noble for graduation as they do at any sporting event, which is not well
• I think people have started telling me things start 30 minutes earlier than they do so I make it on time (I thought it started at 10:00 and rushed back from Ardmore to make it on time, but thank you for that)
• I wish my last name was Aha (yes I just heard that for real)
• When (if) I walk I'm decorating my hat this time and sending a picture of it to James Meece and Shirley Morgan (long story from my high school graduation, I'll tell that story some time)
• At least the rows get shorter as you go farther back
• What degree do I have to get to get the nifty robe and the neat beret?
• My favorite hat said "hire me" not real original, but oh well
• When you put your cap on the crown of your head so you can see your bangs and it's at a weird angle it looks DUMB
• I don't like mohawks on anyone, however they are tolerable on kids; they are completely inappropriate if you have wrinkles
• Football players DO graduate...even if it's sociology...congrats Austin Box, Quentin Carter and Travis Lewis
• I hope someone loves me enough to have a congrats banner printed for me (not really)
• Traditional ethnic attire scares me (sorry if that's not PC)
• A lot of attire I saw today, period, scared me
• If you get to convocation 50 minutes early you get great parking and your choice of seats

Again, my camera didn't work, so this is the best picture I could get with my cell phone. Congratulations pretty girl! I love you!

New Series: Ten Guys, Ten Days, No Names

This is pretty daring! Some people may not like it! I thought it was fun. I took 10 guys that I have met, though it may have only been for a second, or it may have been for the majority of my life, and thanked them for something. Most of it is positive, some of it is negative. Just because you think you might know who the person is, don't bet on it. Not all of these are romantic interests, or people I have dated, or even people I have ever wanted to date. Just ten guys who have had a profound influence on my life. Enjoy!

Some very obvious answers were not used in this, so just keep guessing! :)

Thirty Days: Day 30

three good things that have happened in the past 30 days

I am done with school for the semester!

More specifically I have completed 24 out of 36 hours and only lack 2 classes and 450 hours of internship to be done with my Masters!

I have NOT opened the pool, but it is getting there

I got really close, but then the liner ripped. That was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, however we have scraped up the money and just ordered the liner. The pool will only be closed one extra weekend from last year (by the time it is actually hot enough to swim) and it will be in much better condition (ex. no diving to patch holes this year!).

I think I may have finally gotten over a certain "crutch" from my past.

After talking and talking and talking I finally really truly realized the meaning of this Albert Einstein quote:

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

As much as I would like things to change, they won't. People only change when they want to and if they don't want to we can't do anything about it. That is hard to accept, especially when you want the best for the people around you. In the end I don't think I had really learned that lesson until last weekend. I finally read some literature that I was trying to explain to someone and realized I was doing exactly what I was telling them not to do. And I stopped. Right then and there. I just couldn't do it any more. It was very freeing to be quite honest and I know it is what's best for me. I'm very thankful for that experience because I (hope) think it is what I needed to move away from that way of thinking once and for all.

Thirty Days: Day 29

a photo of something that means a lot to you

Yes that is a photo of my childhood blanket and stuffed animal. Even with all the nice and meaningful jewelry and other stuff that I have these two reign supreme in importance.

The blanket is affectionately named Doggie Blanket. I don't really remember when I got it, but I know it was a Christmas gift from my grandmother (dad's mom). However it was not a gift to me, it was for my mom. At some point I swiped it and it has been one of my go to comfort items ever since. To replace it Nana got my mom Kitty Blanket, but it was never the right texture to be quite right, so she got to keep it! Doggie Blanket is warm and super soft from many years of use. I'm not really sure what the texture is, but it was before the days of fleece blankets. It has pilled very little, so it is still in perfect condition and the perfect thing to curl up in on the couch or in bed on a cold night.

The stuffed animal is Maybelle Moo-Cow. Growing up I only had two grandmothers, neither of which were very "grandmotherly" and neither of which lived close to me. Because of this I took to "adopting" relatives (this is a practice I still do and from time to time you'll see references to the "sister like" person or "nieces and nephews"). Jim and Maxine Trail were my adopted grandparents in Ardmore (Charlie and Teddie Jo Cundiff were my adopted grandparents when we traveled for business). When I was in about fourth grade Jim was in the hospital in Oklahoma City for something, for quite a little bit of time. We went up to visit him and someone had gotten him this very same cow to have for company in the hospital. Her name was Clarabelle. I guess I like the cow and mentioned it or something because for my next birthday they got me this cow. I named her Maybelle, no idea why, I guess it was a very "cowy" sounding name to me.

Both of these items have been hauled all over creation, though Maybelle's traveling days stopped a little bit earlier than Doggie Blanket's because it is fine to haul around a thick blanket, but you have to do a little more explaining with a stuffed animal as you get older. :)

Blogger=GRRRRR!

So blogger was down yesterday and it deleted one of my posts! A post that was published on Wednesday and is now gone. After work I will rewrite Day 29 and write Day 30. Arg!

End of an Era

I went to Ardmore the other day and came into town on Broadway. I was shocked to see this:

Yes that is an empty lot. What used to stand there was the Carmike 5 movie theatre. A few years ago they built the new Carmike 8 (I know, big town, huh?) and the Carmike 5 was a dollar theatre for a little while. Soon, though, they closed it, so I guess at some point in time we all knew that it was coming down eventually, but I guess I hadn't really thought about it.

Seeing that empty lot made a whole lot of memories come flooding back:

• Home Alone 2 with Lexi when she was home from Indiana
• Clueless two or three times
• Hunchback of Notre Dame with Crystal, the first time we got to all on our own for a whole afternoon
• Now and Then
• Scream, first date
• Mr. 3000, first date
• Titanic 3 times
• Armageddon, cried like a baby with Heather
• Wild, Wild West, my first midnight show
• Cruel Intentions
• Night at the Roxbury, when I would have demanded my money back, had I paid!
• You've Got Mail (I think) on a first date, where we got in free and the guy was WAY confused!
• Varsity Blues, which I didn't thoroughly appreciate until years later
• Dr. Doolittle 2, with Haley when, at 20, I got in for the kid's price, with car keys in my hands, and btw she wasn't the kid's age either
• Austin Powers: Goldfinger, after the last show of Annie
• Harry Potter 3, where Haley made out with the cute exchange student

I'm sure there are plenty more, but those are the ones I can think of! Goodbye Carmike 5! Lots of great memories!

I found a picture of it online! :)

Thirty Days: Day 28

something you don't leave the house without

Yes that is my ear. More specifically to this blog post is the earring in the previously mentioned ear.

I'm sure many of you when thinking "what does Wendy never leave the house with out?" would say cell phone (or some expletives regarding my phone), but I wrote a post on that a few weeks ago, so I thought I'd change it up from the obvious.

Then I got to thinking about, what do I never leave the house without? After wracking my brain for a bit on my way to Ardmore the other day I came up with this particular earring.

The only time I ever take it out is when I get my hair cut so it is always with me. When Crystal and I were in seventh or eighth grade we decided we wanted to get a second hole in both ears. Immediately upon asking both moms said NO. So that was out.

Well then I turned 18! I could do what I wanted! Some people get tattoos, but I'm not very tattoo-y, so yeah that was certainly out. I turned 18 in August and didn't get "pierced" until January. I think it was January 18. I know it was a Tuesday and I had just started dating a new guy over the weekend and he was coming to visit that night and go to Vespers at the Wesley Foundation with me.

My friends Kim and Abby went with me. Kim got a second hole in both ears and Abby got the top hole like I did. It didn't really hurt. Unless you were Kim and I was squeezing the living daylights out of your hand while telling EVERYTHING I could about this guy!

That night the guy came and visited and we went to one of his friend's apartments. Little did I know what a significant event THAT would turn out to be!

At that point it was still just a stud, which I'm sure I have around somewhere. Sometime in April, specifically Mom's Day weekend, I switched to the hoop and it has been the hoop ever since!

Thirty Days: Day 27

your biggest pet peeve

Victim Mentality!

I hate when people think that the world is out to get them. They whine and complain about the things that happen to them in their lives. Some people seem to think that every bad thing that happens to them is just more proof that their life sucks.

The whining, the complaining, and the moaning drive me nuts! This isn't to say that we can't all have bad days, sure we all do, however this is aimed at people who cannot see the bright side of things.

Relationships end, we don't get jobs we want, we don't get into the school we wanted. If everything in my life had gone just how I planned it I would probably be one of those miserable people. Luckily it didn't.

Did I cry a lot sometimes? Did I wish and pray for things to go another way? Of course! Do I look back now on those things with a thankful heart? Yes!

I'm not saying that everything in life is going to turn out wonderful and perfect, people get sick, people die, and that sucks. What I am saying is that if you are still alive and the people around you are healthy then you have a lot to be thankful for and a lot more than some people.

If you don't like where your life is then DO something about it! If you are miserable in your marriage, get a divorce. If the person you're dating is making you miserable let go of them. If you are totally crazy about someone, tell them. The worst thing you can do in life is nothing!

You must open yourself up to change. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote "we change, whether we like it or not." Change is inevitable. It is scary, but so many times when we step out on a limb, or are pushed out on a limb for that matter, life has this crazy way of working out the way that it is supposed to.

DO something with your life!

And remember, everything happens for a reason:

Thirty Days: Day 26

something you’re proud of in the past few days

Prepare for this post to be mildly vague.

I am proud of myself for deleting a few messages before I sent them.

I am proud of myself for not screaming at someone who is too stubborn to hear anything.

I am proud of myself for realizing when I am slipping back into bad habits that I have from the past.

I am proud of myself for not settling for less than I deserve.

I am proud of myself for keeping my mouth shut when I really don't want to.

Thirty Days: Day 25

someone you see yourself marrying in the future

I guess we'll do this from a fun perspective and not from a super serious one. Here is my grocery list of characistics for a future husband (please keep in mind that this is for fun and is not serious, for the most part ;) though there is some truth in it and some are more negotiable than others!):

• Methodist
• Christian Man
• Christian Father
• OU Fan
• Democrat
• Chevy guy
• Yankees Fan
• Celtics Fan
• Taller than me
• Athletic
• Can sing
• Married parents
• Good credit
• Good with money
• Career not a job
• Degree from OU (minimum bachelor’s)
• Wants kids
• Trust Fund

and a little more specific:

Amazing husband potential

-No cheating
-Respectful
-Interested in the things I am
-Willing to support me in the things I do
-Won’t complain about Junior League stuff

Amazing father potential
-Loving
-Kind

Christian
-Willing to not only go to church, but to be involved

Cheerful giver
-Wants to help the world like I do, and will support me in doing that
-Willing to let me have the spotlight
-Must be confident and sure in himself, so that when I shine he will not be jealous and it will not make him feel insecure

In the Future...

I have a paper to write, which is causing me problems, so instead I turn to my blog. Hey, I'm writing something! Maybe it will get the fingers going and ready for typing the 10-12 page paper that I have to hammer out today!

At any rate, all of my friends read this and realize that I mean it:

When I am pregnant, the first (well second, third, fourth, fifth, etc) person that uses the "words" (I use quotes because they are NOT words) "preggo" or "preggers" to describe me or my condition will be immediately punched in the face. I will use the excuse of hormones because I am PREGNANT to justify this, however it will happen. Prepare yourself.

Okay that is all.

Well I'm sure it's not because I'm sure something else will pop into my head that I need to talk about to distract me from this paper, so this may be a heavy blog day! ;)

Thirty Days: Day 24

a photo of you last year and how you have changed since then

me and Allison at my "open the pool" party last May

How have I changed since last year?

Well for starters I'm BUSY! I don't think I realized that I could be as busy as I have been the last year.

This time last year I LOVED grad school, now not as much. I am really, really burnt out, however that burnt out-ness has caused me to be almost done!

I am (almost) officially a member of the Junior League of Norman (one official vote at May Dinner left :)).

I help lead a youth group.

I made a really good New Year's resolution that I have kept so far (though there was almost a slip).

I have realized my passion in life.

I have developed a plan of action to make my non profit happen.

I have welcomed three little nephews and one little niece into the world.

I have remembered my love of photography.

I successfully had the pool open for a whole season.

I caught the twitter!

I have come to some realizations about my past and am working on dealing with them, though it is really, really hard.

I haven't learned to say no yet, but I love all the things that I've gotten myself into.

I've made some of the best friends a girl could ask for.

I've encountered a couple of guys that have changed my life for the better.

I have made a lot of new friends.

I got snowed in NYC!

I got to see Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark (not a whole lot of the population can say that!).

I helped close a DHS office and became an expert at using a desk dolly.

I have realized how much I love writing and that I'm actually pretty good at it.

I rediscovered my bathtub.

I have realized that people will judge you no matter how much you don't judge others. They will stereotype you. They will assume things about you. You will never be able to live up to their expectations. What you do will never be 100% right to them.

However, I have also realized that those people are not worth my time. I can only be who I am. I like who I am. I like what I do. I like who I associate myself with. I am not going to lie and cover up anything that I do because I feel that causes more harm than good. I am not going to change myself to fit into someone else's mold of how I should be because of this activity or that activity. I am who I am and if you don't like that you are missing out on a pretty spectacular person.

I cannot be everything to everyone all the time, and that's okay, people will understand. I can only be the best me that I can be and if that's not good enough for you then you are not good enough for me.

Thirty Days: Day 23

a song that can instantly make you happy

Lately that song seems to be No Hands by Waka Flocka Flame. I realize this is totally random, however it reminds me of a really fun night when I went out dancing with some friends a few months ago. It can put me in the mood to dance instantly and always makes me smile. Crazy, huh? Not exactly my typical choice in music, but it works!



Thirty Days: Day 22

what makes you different from everyone else?

vs.

More than once I have called myself an oxymoron, which I suppose is better than a regular moron. When I say this I mean that I have a tendency to like completely opposite things or do completely opposite things. Here are some examples:

The photos above: my two favorite sounds are pointe shoes on a hardwood stage and a strike in a catcher's mitt.

I am an Information Technology Specialist (technical title is Information Systems Services Coordinator) and working on a Masters in Human Relations, wanting to start a non profit that helps people, not machines.

I work in IT and HATE new technology (believe me it took forever before I bought a DVD player).

I am as equally likely to be in church Sunday morning as I am to be out at a club or bar the night before.

I like to be by myself, but have to have plans all the time.

I love having plans all the time, but like to have free time too.

I am addicted to my cell phone, but love when it dies and I am without contact.

I was in band, but can't play an instrument.

I was in show choir, but can't sing.

My preference for clothes is either pajamas or full on dresses with heels.

I equally love sports and the arts.

I can talk about sports with the guys and know exactly what I'm talking about, but can talk about all things girlie with the girls.

We won't go there on political views, but let's just say I am either so far left or so far right that if you averaged everything I would be dead center.

I am terribly organized, however my house, car and desk at work are generally disaster areas.

I have a pool and can't swim.

That's all I can think of off the top of my head, but I don't think of myself as being wishy-washy I think of myself as being very well rounded. I can make friends with anyone and carry on a conversation with anyone.

Thirty Days: Day 21

a photo of yourself two years ago and how you've changed

I pulled this photo out of a folder labeled "Old Life." I had to crop it. I'm not going to lie, I timed this particular post for this particular day. Two years ago today I thought my life was over. It was 41 days before my wedding, my fiance and I had a huge fight the night before and Sunday, May 3, 2009 he walked into our bedroom, sat down and said we needed to talk. To say that I heard the other shoe drop is a vast understatement.

I was never one of those girls that dreamed about her wedding from the time she was a little girl. And I wasn't one of those girls that hoped to marry her high school sweetheart. On the contrary I spent my high school years telling my mother to let me date whoever I wanted and promising to never marry any of them. I had a friend when I was a freshman that I swear prayed for me every day when I said that I had no desire to get married at all, though live in boyfriends were completely fine (of course this particular friend also thought it was God's plan for her to grow up and marry a youth pastor).

Just before I went to college my friend Tricia got married. Well somewhere a light bulb went off and I wanted a wedding. I'm not sure that I really wanted a marriage so much at that point, but certainly a wedding. From there I had every little detail down. I even wanted to be a wedding planner for a period in time. I think part of this stemmed from the fact that ALL my friends were "coupled" and were dropping like flies when it came to getting engaged and married. It was almost like planning my fantasy wedding was my way to stay connected with my friends.

What is funny, however, is that when the weddings got closer and closer I removed myself from those friends. It was really hard to be around them when I knew their lives would be changing and mine would be staying the same; they would move on and I would get left behind; they were taking the next step and I wanted nothing more than to take that step with them.

It wasn't my time then and frankly it doesn't seem to be my time yet. I didn't date a lot in college and that was fine with me. It was hard when all the friends were pairing off, but there was just no one special in college.

I graduated in May 2004 and went into my first "big girl" job. I made a wonderful friend, Mary, who was also single and things couldn't have been better. Then she "coupled". The good news was that I "coupled" too! Oh, he was perfect. At least on paper. That relationship bounced up and down on a crazy emotional roller coaster for about seven months. He broke my heart time and time again.

We got into a fight one night and told me to have fun going out and he hoped that I met someone. I drank. A lot. And I did meet someone. Granted if it killed me I was going to meet someone, or several someones.

That night Mary got engaged. Boy, oh boy, here we go again.

I went home, where the guy was, and it turned out we actually were dating! Who knew? Well certainly not me. At any rate, I am the girl that can get dumped when she didn't know she had a boyfriend. That's me!

That was Sunday night. Monday night one of my friends text messaged me that one of the guys that I met on Friday wanted my number and asked if it was okay for me to give it to him. Of course I said yes. From the next day on we were inseparable.

What I didn't realize at the time was how I had let someone else determine the future of a relationship. I think I was so stubborn that I didn't want to let the ex win that I stayed in a relationship much, much longer than I should have.

Fast forward through four break ups, too many tears to count, four dogs, two houses and one totaled truck later we were engaged. A few weeks before we got engaged Mary and I went and saw Sex and the City, the first movie. I made a comment when we were eating sushi afterwards that I thought that would happen to me (if you haven't seen it, Big stands Carrie up on her wedding day). I don't even know why I said that, just a gut feeling I guess.

Then we were engaged. I thought wedding planning would be cake. I couldn't plan the wedding. I mean, could not plan it, at all. I guess I should have taken the fact that nothing would come together (besides my favorite photographer) as a sign, but I kept ignoring it. I was so certain that I had invested four years in this relationship and this was the way that it was supposed to be. In January the movie Bride Wars came out. Mary and I went to see it for our monthly girls' night. Through the whole movie I found myself relating to the character whose wedding didn't happen. Another sign. Then there was when he and I got into the huge fight while meeting with the wedding coordinator. And when I was with Mary at a dress fitting and she made a comment about whether the wedding would happen on the day it was supposed to.

That was when Mary knew that something was up. She knew that I knew that this wasn't going to happen.

That was almost a month before he called the wedding off. I knew that all the signs were there, but I didn't have the strength to end it.

To this day I am beyond grateful to him for that.

He gave me my life back.

He allowed me to smile again.

He allowed me to realize what I am meant to do with my life.

He allowed me to find my passion.

He allowed me to be the person that I was meant to be.

Very easily he could have continued to go through the motions, as we had been for quite some time, but he didn't. He had the strength to allow me to be free. I didn't have the strength for that at the time.

When all was said and done I had two options: allow this to consume me and ruin my life or allow myself to become a better person because of it. Thankfully I chose the latter.

So in the last two years here is what has changed:

I found out who my real friends were.
I have made some friends that I will keep forever.
I found an amazing church.
I lead a youth group now.
I joined Junior League.
I will be a committee chair next year, as well as a rep for an AJLI Action Learning Team.
I started my Masters.
I am only 12 hours away from finishing my Masters.
I learned how to work a swimming pool, all by myself (with a little help from my favorite pool store!).
I have successfully opened the pool twice.
I have met some of the best little people in the world and I can't imagine my life without them.
I have reconnected with an old friend or two.
I have conquered codependency.
And most importantly I have realized what I want out of life and am able to recognize what I don't want.

It has been a very fast two years. It is hard to believe that it has been this long. I have cried, a lot. I have hurt, a lot. If I had it to do over I wouldn't change it for the world. Every tear and hurt feeling has made me who I am today. I know that there are great things out there for me, just waiting for me to grab them. I know that if things had gone how I wanted them 730 days ago I wouldn't be here. I am glad that I'm where I'm at and I'm glad for where I'm going.

Thirty Days: Day 20

15 facts about you

1. I am a full time grad student

2. I work full time

3. I lead a youth group

4. I am a founding member of my church

5. I am a member of the Junior League of Norman

6. I am double placed next year for JLN: Done in a Day chair and Action Learning Team rep

7. After this semester (over on May 8!) I only have 12 hours left and I will be done with my Masters

8. Those 12 hours will take another year

9. I'm not very good at saying no to things

10. The pool makes me sad these days

11. I love taking pictures

12. My life is beyond scheduled and sometimes my friends don't understand that

13. I love to write

14. I love to read

15. I have recently become OBSESSED with the ins and outs of the British Royal family

Thirty Days: Day 19

a bad habit

I let other people control my emotions entirely too much. Someone can be mad at me or mean to me and I am done for the day. Even when people are teasing me a lot of times I take it too personally. I care too much about what people think about me and it controls my self esteem and self confidence. I wish it wasn't like this, but unfortunately it is.