Resolved

Prior to last year I was never big on the whole New Year's resolution thing. BUT in 2011 I set one. Granted it was something that I shouldn't have had to resolved to do in the first place, but after the way 2010 went it was something I needed to work on. Now for you that know what this was you probably think this is pretty funny, but if you don't know, well let's just say I managed to make it the full year without breaking the resolution (although there was one time that I almost slipped, but it worked out that I didn't).

So with this successful attitude I am setting a few more this year. I will share them with you.

I have several friends that have done or are doing this 1000 mile running challenge. I hate running, I really want to love it, but I really don't, but I do love to walk long distances, therefore I am setting the same challenge. I am already 6 in. I figure if I do three miles a day, which is my norm then I will not only successfully complete this challenge, but actually have 32 days throughout the year free.

Next big thing: fix my house. There are a lot of things that need to be done around here and it needs to be where people can come over. I have kind of let it go so that people couldn't come over and I think that was because in 2011 I really liked being a hermit. Now that it is 2012 I need to get out of the hermit mentality and become a people person again. Of course I need to keep plenty of "me" time, but I want to be in a place that if someone stops by unexpectedly I would let them in and have food and drinks to share with them! Or feel comfortable inviting someone to come visit for a weekend.

The biggest thing, however, is that I want to strengthen my relationship with God. I have an amazing faith, if I didn't there would be no way I would be where I am now, but I want a deeper, more personal relationship. I have started several different things that are completely "doable" for me and that on day two of the new year are already speaking volumes to me. It should be a pretty exciting journey and I'm really ready for the challenge.

In relation to that I am taking on a more active prayer life. I am resolving to pray for certain people in my life every day, no matter how frustrated or angry I may be with them on a given day. There is at least one person that this is completely for. It will be interesting to see what happens after a year of deliberate prayer for them. It might be interesting! I will probably pick up others along the way, but there is one in particular right now that I think needs it.

I am also going to focus on worrying less and living more. Yesterday at church the sermon involved two videos. Both were great, but there was a line in the second that spoke volumes to me:

May God grant me the ability to seize the day; to seize every second and unravel His purpose, His potential for me.

This is my prayer for 2012. I tend to rush life and not enjoy the moments I'm living in. Ironically the study I started for quiet time focused on contentment for the first chapter (pretty sure I picked the exact right book for me). I need to live in the moment more and realize that the future is yet to be, but when it is it will be amazing. I think reflecting back on my past has shown me that as well. I've been thinking about high school a lot for various reasons and as much as I loved it I was always ready to be done. In retrospect I wish I had taken more pictures and done more things and kept in contact with people better. Since I can see that now I pray that I can take that and do it now so that in another fifteen years I'm not thinking that about this season of my life. Life is too short as it is to go wasting it waiting on the next big thing.
I don't see that any of these "resolutions" or goals or whatever you want to call them are not attainable. Some will take more work and focus than others, but if I can manage to follow them I cannot even begin to imagine how amazing life will be.

Good Riddance

Well here we are in 2012, which according to the Mayans will be the last one. No I don't fall into that crazy thinking, but who knows really? :) Anywho this is the time of the year when we have a whole brand new year ahead of us and we reflect upon the previous year. I am just as guilty as the rest of you about doing this, I just choose to put it down on a blog for all of you to read!

So what was 2011 to me? Well part of it was really, really, really crappy (the month of October to be exact) and part of it was really, really good (November and December). Part of it was kind of self inflicted loneliness/recuperation (summer) and part of it was a lot of stress (first semester).

This last year saw me making big decisions with my life and temporarily ending some friendships that were unhealthy for me to be around (thankfully I recovered and we're as close as ever). I spent the academic year of 2010-2011 with so much going on that by the time May rolled around I couldn't be around anyone, so I wasn't. I spent the summer lounging in my pool all by myself. I only had people over to swim three times all summer. It was wonderful. I am, by nature, an introvert and those nine months completely and totally wore me out physically, emotionally and spiritually. I needed some "me" time. I think a lot of my friends didn't really understand what was going on with me, and frankly until the last week or so I didn't either, but I knew that it was what I needed.

As 2011 left us I realized that I have 33 out of 36 hours of grad school completed, two years ago I didn't even know I would. In 2011 I was asked to be a committee chair for Junior League (in my first active year) and was chosen to be the Community Vice President on the Board of Directors for 2012-2013. I spent a lot of time at CrossTimbers, mainly doing stuff with a crazy, yet amazing youth group. I have reconnected with old friends and spend a lot of time with them now, which is amazing.

Several tragedies struck this year, including losing two people that I never met that greatly impacted me and losing two that I knew very well.

I conquered some things that I don't know if I could have done before. The main one was taking a week long vacation by myself, which was amazing. I made all the plans and flew all by myself. I navigated NYC by myself for the most part and in the dark (which terrified me before). I managed to make my way to DC from NYC (though I did some planning help on that one). It was a trip that was all about experiences and I had plenty of them. I had to step out of my shell a lot and usually I'm pretty cozy in there, so I'm glad that I did it. A lot of things got marked off my bucket list and made me grow as a person. I am so thankful to the people that helped with that.

I came to the realization this year that while I have an amazing life I need to work on having a bit less structure. I function well with structure, so it is hard to let go of that. I spent an amazing evening in my hometown, of all places, last spring that had no agenda and it was amazing. NYC and DC followed that pattern as well as being shipwrecked at home for a few days last week. I think I have realized over the last year just how important my high school friends are to me. It's not that I don't value my college or adult friends, but there is something true and pure about the people that knew you at that age. We spent so much time together and knew each other so intimately. I find it so reassuring that I can be with them and it is as if nothing has changed and we are 16 again.

This last year I realized that as much as I say I hate it I'm really glad that I grew up where I did and when I did. I have valuable friendships that have lasted through everything you can imagine being thrown at them and contacts that will help with my future.

And about the future. I turned 30 this year and convinced myself that what I needed out of life was to pick up and move to New York. While that would be wonderful and something I would like to do temporarily still I realized that it won't solve anything. Last year (2010) I read Eat, Pray, Love. I know a lot of people that read it and didn't really like it. I will be the first to admit it was a hard read, however I totally understand it. I think I have gotten to the point of understanding pleasure and understanding spirituality and responsibility, but I'm still working on balancing the two. I tend to be go, go, go and feel like my life has to be booked solid, all the time, but what I then realize, when I get a few moments free, is that I really, really hate that. I still haven't figured out where the balance between structure and free spirit comes, but I know it is something that I need to work on and strive for. I know I cannot just not have a job and travel the world all the time, that's not how life works, however it seems that it is when I am most happy. The question becomes how do I do both? I'll be honest, I don't know, but I'm working on it.

For many, many years I have had a feeling about 2012. I truly think this is going to be the most amazing year and I think the things that happened in 2011 have set it up that way. I'm kind of curious about the post I will write a year from now (assuming the Mayans were wrong, of course). Where will I be and what will I be doing? For some reason I think it is going to be totally different than where I am now...