I Love My Church

Since, for the most part, CrossTimbers has taken up the majority of my time (when not at the real job) it seems like the perfect place to start writing again.

A few moons ago I wrote a post and said that I chose to leave religion out of my blog. I had a million reasons why I did that. Being separated from that moment in time I can't seem to think of one. I'm sure it had a lot to do with not being entirely certain of my faith at the time. Not wanting to offend people probably was in there. Certainly I didn't want to start any arguments. Now, though, I don't really care. This is MY blog and my faith and my church is extremely important to me. If you don't like it, leave. Plain and simple. I don't want to argue. I don't want to try to change your mind. I simply want to tell my story. The one that I am living. I hope you will stay and read, but if you chose not to, well that's okay too. (Check back though, I'm sure there will be silly and frivolous posts coming soon too).

And on we go.

So I love my church. Plain and simple. We are in a campaign at CT that is called "I Love My Church." I didn't steal the idea, I really do love it.

Last week I was working in Lawton and was talking to a friend who simply asked "Why church?" I gave the answer, which I will give throughout this post, but I've spent the last eight days really thinking about that simple two word question.

My journey to get to CrossTimbers and become the person that I am wasn't exactly easy. It wasn't quick. I fought and fell and screwed up to get there and to stay there. I tried to run away, more than once, but ultimately something about this place and this faith grabbed me and wouldn't let go, no matter how I struggled against it.

I came to CrossTimbers about three months after my engagement was called off. I was a broken shell of a person. Everything I had built my life around had been taken from me. Thankfully I was able to retain a few amazing friends who never gave up on me. I also had one person who I met very quickly who was still floating around in facebook-land. I cannot thank God enough for Jennifer. From a simple conversation nine months before to an invitation on facebook on my birthday she was the catalyst to who I have become.

I went to a women's group event on a Saturday. I liked all the girls. Sunday I walked into worship where most everyone was in jeans and there were drums and loud contemporary music. I almost walked out, but I didn't. Thankfully I really hate hurting people's feelings. Chris did his sermon and I was hooked.

I promised I would not get overinvolved. Even going so far as to text my best friend that very statement as I am getting in my car to drive to the new building to set up. The next week I suggested a prayer card ministry, and as they say, the rest was history.

My journey at CT hasn't always been uphill. I fell more than once. In the past when that would happen I would be reprimanded, judged and embarassed or angry. Places I had been active at prior to CT were never home. They never had a feeling of unconditional love. This is something that I can say CrossTimbers excels in.

I worried for nearly three years that the other shoe would drop. That I would do something that was just bad enough that I would be pushed aside. In situations similar to this in the past I would push myself to a point that I was doing things simply so that I was doing so much that they couldn't get rid of me.

I feared being abandoned. {This fear was pointed out to me last week and I've been realizing lately just how true it is}

When I turned thirty I made up my mind that I needed an adventure. A big one. I was going to move to New York for a year. It seemed like the best solution. If my friends were moving on with their lives and leaving me behind (which is what it felt like, not how it actually was) then I would just get a head start. I would run before I was abandoned.

Then I realized that I was running again. I tried to convince myself that I wasn't, but I was.

I hadn't made my decision when I made a week and a half long trip to Manhattan just so I could know for sure. As he was driving me to the airport Chris simply said, remember that New York doesn't have CrossTimbers.

Two years of grad school had flown by taking my time and my energy. CT was growing and with that came more activities. I so desperately wanted everything to fall into place in my "five year plan" in Junior League.

I was tired.

I had a glorious time in NYC. I got to run around the city by myself and decompress. I came home and had big decisions to make. I was certain that moving was not the answer. Sure I'd had ten days of making my own schedule and not being overbooked, but, in my heart, I knew that if I moved I would do the same thing again, just with a different church, a different League, and with different people.

Location wasn't what had to change. I was what had to change.

In a conversation with Chris I mentioned that I really wanted to be in a relationship, like really badly. Then when asked my favorite part of my trip I said being on my own.

Contradict myself much?

It was as if I was wanting what everyone else had and neglecting what actually was making me happy. I wanted to put myself in the same box as everyone else because that's what I felt I should do. That being said, Chris gave me a deadline. He said I would fall in love by July.

Awesome.

I liked how he thought. I now had a set time that I could wait for. Eight months wasn't so long. I could SO do this.

I put my new countdown date on my countdown clock on my phone (along with my vesting date at work, my vacation, and graduation). I counted down the days.

In July we did a series called "Confessions of a Leader." Chris preached two weeks then Jason then myself. I talked about running, both in the physical and the emotional sense. I had realized that running to New York was not the answer to my problem. I loved CrossTimbers and I loved all the things that we were doing. The people we were reaching. The ministry that was occuring. The changes that were taking place in my life.

That one Sunday, though I'd written the sermon a month before, changed everything. That was the day that I made the commitment to the entire congregation, and to myself, that I wanted to make CrossTimbers the best place it could be.

That was July 29, 2012. Two days after that my countdown to falling in love ran out.

That was an extremely busy and amazing week. We pulled off the most amazing VBS. It touched the kids and it touched the adults. I watched transformations occur among the people of CrossTimbers. People who didn't want to be involved were singing and dancing with the kids. People who thought they'd just drop their kids off were in costumes leading groups by the end of the week. There were God sightings everywhere.

It was amazing.

I had to share my birthday with VBS which initially I was not thrilled with. I can say, without a doubt, it was the best birthday ever. I could not imagine being with anyone else but my CrossTimbers family on that day.

So, we all survived VBS. We had an amazing "box Olympics" with the youth to clean up after it. (CT people: ask Chris about the gymnastics).

Then Monday came.

The chaos had gone and I was alone. I'll admit it was nice, but I had to start making some big decisions. I was slated to be the Community Vice President for Junior League this year. I knew there was no way I could do it. I love the League, but it just wasn't what I was supposed to be doing. It took the entire week for me to get the courage to write the resignation letter, send it to the president and tell my close League friends what I had done.

I felt awful. I felt like a quitter. I generally will tough through stuff so that I don't let people down. I knew I couldn't do that this time and I knew that it was in the best interest for everyone involved for me to resign. I still felt awful.

When I'm having a bad day I drive. I found myself in Oklahoma City, close to the Devon Tower. Now, Devon is not exactly the skyscrappers of NYC, but it's the closest thing I can get to in my car, thus I tend to flock to downtown OKC just to be in the presence of tall buildings.

While driving around I drove by the Jaguar dealership. I have wanted a Jag, specifically an XK8, since I was in high school (yeah, yeah, Ryan Phillippe in Cruel Intentions caused that). As I passed the cars I realized that if I had the $75,000 to spend on the car of my dreams I wouldn't do it. If I had an extra $75,000 lying around I would give it to CrossTimbers. That is how much I believe in what we are doing.

So that got me thinking. I had this plan for working up to a full 10% tithe. I was starting simply because I didn't want to bust my budget. The more I drove and the more I thought the more I realized that if I wanted God to bless me at CT I needed to start trusting Him with the one thing I held the tightest: finances.

I made the decision to put it all in God's hands. From the next paycheck on I have given a full 10%. It is weird how things fall into place when you just start to trust God. Even though I have a tenth less money each month it somehow works out. I haven't had to worry about finances since then.

Over the days following that I started to think about my July 31st countdown (as it had now started to count up on my phone). I almost called Chris out saying that I didn't fall in love.

That's when I realized it.

I had fallen in love.

Head over heels, in fact.

It wasn't with a guy though (and not with a girl either, get your minds out of the gutter!)

I had fallen in love with CrossTimbers, with what we are doing there and with God all over again.

That moment changed me.

Never in a million years did I expect to be someone that people looked up to in the church, but that's who I've become.

Never in a million years did I expect to really know the Bible, but that's what I strive for.

Never in a million years did I think I would want to do this "church" thing full time, but now I can't think of anything else I would rather do, when the time is right.

I could list for you a million reasons I love my church.

I could start with the names of each and every single member.

I can name an amazing ministry that cares for CT and what I've seen God do at CrossTimbers because of it and how He has worked magic in the lives of those that are part of it.

I could tell stories of how lives have been changed, and saved, at CrossTimbers.

I could talk about people who had never walked in the door of a church and now are there every Sunday without fail.

I could tell about people who had just about given up on church until they came to CrossTimbers.

I could tell you about the confidence that I get by Chris trusting me with some extremely important ministries.

I can tell you about people that you would never think could ever be friends bonding over Bible studies.

I could name a group that needed a place to meet that has turned into an incredible ministry bringing people to God.

I can tell you how I used to breeze in late so that I would avoid greeters and get to sleep a little later to now getting there an hour before my Sunday morning group starts.

I could tell you about watching the faces of the kids coming through the Communion line getting bread (and sometimes juice) and watching the moment that they "get" what they're doing.

I could name a lot of little faces that call me Wennie or Wewe.

I could tell you of people who have had to move, due to their jobs, that post how much they miss it.

I can see it in the smiles, and the tears, and the laughter, and the prayers.

When someone asks me about CrossTimbers they get an invitation to come. Whoever they are, whatever they believe.

CT is like no other church I have ever been to. We're not perfect, but we strive to be the best that we can and it is something that you see anytime you see someone from CrossTimbers.

I read a book last summer by Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz. I love this quote:

I never liked jazz music because jazz music doesn't resolve. But I was outside the Bagdad Theater in Portland one night when I saw a man playing the saxophone. I stood there for fifteen minutes, and he never opened his eyes.

After that I liked jazz music.

Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way.

I truly hope that every part of my being shows that I love my church and I love God. I strive to show God's love through this amazing little church in a strip mall in southeast Moore. I strive to show God's love through everything I do. I know I'm not perfect. I know there are things I can do better, but the most amazing thing about my God is that He loves me anyway. He loves me when I'm getting it right and when I could do a little better. My church is the same way. We don't allow perfect people to walk in the door (well I guess we would if we ever found one!). We embrace imperfections and quirks. That's what makes us who we are. There is room for everyone. I want everyone who walks in the doors of CrossTimbers to feel like it is home and that they are being asked into a family. Too many times I have felt unwelcome at churches and I strive to make sure that CrossTimbers is not like that. No one will be turned away.

So, to answer the simple question "Why church?" Because I love it.

Best Week Ever

Seriously this was the best week ever.

It all started last Sunday morning. I closed out our sermon series Confessions of a Leader. I told the story of how I started at CT and what made me scared and all of that (I will post it if I can't get the audio to rip, but something will happen with that). It was incredible. I talked about running (or more accurately how much I hate running, the physical kind). Just before I went up Ryan told me to knock 'em dead (I didn't cry). I made it through pretty well, apparently I talked a little fast at first, but slowed down and hit a rhythm. I got choked up, but managed to recover (though Chris got up to console me if needed, which would have made the crying absolutely worse!). Every word that I said I meant. I truly, honestly and completely love CrossTimbers with all of my heart. The things that God is doing through CT to further His kingdom truly amazes me every day. The communion song was Chris and Ryan playing my absolute favorite song in the entire world: Run by Collective Soul. I don't think this is the best video, but hopefully you get the idea of how incredible these two are.

I got big hugs afterwards and made a few people cry, which pretty much made me cry, but they were all good tears!

After worship was done it was time to start VBS! We started in on set up, which lasted until youth. Then we had potluck and more VBS set up. It was a really, really long day, but was absolutely INCREDIBLE.

I won't lie, it took me awhile to get geared up for VBS, but in the last few months (and all the realizations I've had during those months) I completely got on board, although I was happy to have a bit more of an administrative role this year than being directly with the kids! Sweet Becky went home and got her camera and took incredible photos throughout the week.

The adults pretty much ran on caffeine and cookies all week (thank you to Nikki for fabulous homemade ones!). The Fort was our sanctuary from the kids (and hiding spot for the cookies). I enjoyed kidnapping my sweet baby boys each night and throwing them around. I loved every moment of interacting with the big kids and the itty bitty kids and the amazing youth that helped us as well.

When I got home the facebooking started! We posted some photos from the evening (including a rather amusing photo of Pastor Chris) and everyone was commenting and posting statuses about how much fun we were having.

Tuesday and Wednesday were just as incredible. There were moments when I saw God's work so crystal clear. We had the kids do "God sightings" and the things that they saw and watching them see these things truly warmed my heart every single day. Watching them sing praise and dance and have fun did too. It was amazing to see that God wasn't just working in the kids' hearts, but in the adults as well. When I was going through the photos from the week the smiles on the adults faces were just as big as the ones plastered on the kids' faces. People's lives were changed this week, I have no doubt.

Thursday was my concern early in the VBS process: my birthday. I am generally a very giving person with my time, but I tend to be pretty darn selfish on my birthday and I didn't really want to share it! I'm SO glad that I did!

I can honestly say I cannot fathom a better birthday! It started out at 12:06 am when Chris and Jennifer called to be the first to wish me happy birthday! (I finished all CT work at 11:59, by the way). I got to sleep in! I had a serious God sighting with that: I put my phone on silent, but forgot to turn my alarm off (the alarm will sound even if the phone is on silent) and it either did not go off or did not wake me up...GO GOD! I got up and was kidnapped by my sweet Katie-friend for yummy sushi at a place I had never been and wrapped up with cheesecake!

She dropped me off at home and I got ready to head to CT after responding to all the incredible messages on facebook. It was nice to have a few moments of quiet at CT before the fun started again!

This was when I realized the AMAZING people I have chosen to surround myself with. As I was getting all the name tags ready my sweet friends flooded me with gifts and sweet cards. Some of the gifts were hilarious, as were the fabulous cards (especially the ones from the kiddos). I love that I have found an amazing church family where I can be exactly who I am without any fear of judgment. These are people who know me and love me for exactly who I am. All of the fears that I've had about church before are completely irrelevant at CT.

After an incredible time at VBS (and the totally awkward feeling of being the first to leave CT) we headed to the Mont for the traditional birthday dinner and drinks. I had incredible friends that came out. It was a wonderful time to relax and chat after such a long week at VBS.

Friday was a relatively slow day (since I was off work again). We had some stuff come up with a CT member or two and I was once again reminded how we come together if one of us is in trouble or has something happen. I was honestly sad that it was Friday and it was the last day of VBS. It was so incredible to see the lasting changes that have been made in the lives of the people of CT.

Saturday was filled with pool cleaning, Tucker Farley-kins' birthday party and then round two of my birthday. It ended up being wonderful, as I had a bunch of friends come over, but they came in shifts it seemed so I was able to focus on everyone and it didn't stress me out!

Today the best week ever came to an end, or so I thought! Pretty much this best week ever has so far carried into the next week. I stole my JJ who saw that I had cake and said "gimme cake" pretty much the cutest thing ever!

After that we tore down VBS, did some other CT stuff and it was time for youth, which was, as usual, amazing. I cried, but this time it was out of tears of laughter! Seriously best group of kids and leaders you can imagine.

I am on such a high of CT (I guess I've really been there for about seven months) and I just can't get enough. I am so in love with all the amazing things that we are able to do to further God's work here. I can't wait to see what He has in store for us next!

Tick Tock

Tonight was one of those bittersweet evenings spent in a hometown.

I came to Ardmore for Landon's graduation (which I made it through with no tears I might add), but it ended up being a reunion of sorts with several people.

First off I walked in and saw all of the Riggle clan, which was to be expected, but before I got too far into the convention center I met up with my middle school, high school, and still best friend Crystal (who used to babysit Landon and was the one that brought him to our Stage Crafts class most of the time we were in high school). We were sat with Lisa's high school choir so that we could be close to the action. The girl sitting next to me, a freshman will be sophomore, asked how we knew Lisa and we admitted that we were alumni. She then asked if we were best friend types that were in choir together or the enemy types. Crystal piped up that we've been best friends since sixth grade. It is hard to believe that almost twenty years have passed since we were stuck in charm school together and were bonded every since. She is now married with two little boys (who are eerily similar to Reece and Landon) and about to start her last year of nursing school. We realized how quickly the time has passed and that we're going to blink and we'll be watching her youngest graduate.

After I hugged the graduate, chatted with Lisa and Randle, and dropped off the graduation gift I headed to the local pizza kitchen to listen to my friend Tyler play. (Side note: my dear cousin was SUPPOSED to meet me there, but he went home to "rest" following two pitchers of margaritas and I guess rested too hard, so I got stood up...BAD cousin!) As I'm sitting there listening to Tyler play and eating pizza alone (real bad cousin) I couldn't help but think of when I first met Tyler. He had just finished his freshman year of high school and played on the tennis team with Haley. It was one of the many summers I kept her and they were living in a house that had a tennis court next door, so Tyler and another friend would come down to play tennis (and maybe because Haley was really pretty) and I got to know him pretty well. He has grown up (way up, he's really tall) to be a great friend and a talented musician.

As Tyler and Meredith were wrapping up (and the restaurant was closing at 10:00...on a Friday...got to love small towns) in walks a darling young lady named Taylor who was headed to the bar next door and happened to see me through the window. Even more memories came flooding back with this one. Starting around fifth grade she was Haley's best friend and lived around the corner. Many days I showed up in the morning and had not one, but two babysitting charges. Taylor has grown up into a beautiful woman with a wonderful husband and and adorable daughter. I met up with them after I talked to Tyler at the new bar next door (kind of forgot I was in Ardmore actually!) and she bought me a glass of wine. Crazy that I'm old enough (by two years) to have my former babysitting charges buying me drinks!

On the way home I was driving a road that I've driven thousands of times before, but memory after memory kept hitting my brain: trig homework at Melissa's, trying to build an airplane at JR's grandparents', pretending a baby doll was a real baby to fool everyone with Lexi, and a million more. I realized just how quickly time is passing. I wouldn't trade my life for anything, but it's amazing how fast the clock is ticking.

As I said to the young lady sitting next to me at graduation, the best is yet to come, but that doesn't mean it won't be hard. High school is wonderful and are memories that I deeply treasure. I also told her to take more pictures than she takes now (she said she took a lot, but I said to take more!). I wish I had more photos from high school, and college, and every part of my life. I still have every memory etched in my brain though.

I probably didn't think thirteen years ago when I graduated that I would be back in Ardmore for Landon's graduation or that I would end up with such a wonderful, adult, friend in Lisa. I didn't think about the fact that as the years pass by the six and eight year age gaps between the kids that I babysat get closer and closer every year. I am thankful that I was able to be a part of these kids' lives when they were kids, but I think I am more thankful that they still put up with me as a friend now.

Time moves faster and faster the older that we get and it is important, in the hustle and bustle of life, to slow down, take a deep breath, and remember the people that have shaped the person you have become. All too quickly life can get in the way and years have passed between the times you talk and in our hyper connected world there is no need for that.

BLOG HOMEWORK: call an old friend you haven't talked to in years; go have dinner or a drink with them; I promise you won't be sorry that you did.

PS
Take a picture while you're at it!

Aged Like a Fine, Fine Bedazzled Wine

Disclaimer: This post might not be appropriate for all audiences...proceed with caution. And if you do read it and don't like it don't say you weren't warned! :)
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Last Friday night I had a little girls night in the pool with my friends Kristin and Becky (with Travis crashing later in the evening). Becky's birthday was on Sunday and she had gotten NKOTBSB (New Kids on the Block/Backstreet Boys) tickets for the night of her birthday. I commented that I wished I had gotten tickets to which Becky said, come with us and we'll find tickets! So that was the plan.

Now I have a long history with New Kids on the Block. It goes back to age 8 in the third grade. Obsessed might not be a strong enough word to describe how I felt about NKOTB. I had tshirts and buttons and dolls and fashion plates and even a sheets and comforter set (to this day I cannot believe my parents actually bought these). My best friend in third grade, Kristin (a different one :)), and I dressed in our NKOTB "ensembles" every Tuesday. Down to the earrings we matched (except for my Donnie stuff and her Joey stuff).

I remember when my mom surprised me with the "Remix" album one Friday after school at my friend Lindsey's house. I was so excited I dropped it and broke the tape box.

In fourth grade my mom and my friend Meredith's mom got us tickets to the show in Oklahoma City. I don't remember a lot about the show, but we had really high seats, so they were itty bitty. Nonetheless they were fabulous.

My freshman year of college during Christmas break my best friend Crystal and I decided we were old (you know we were the ripe, old age of eighteen). We found an old NKOTB concert video and proceeded to sing the entire thing over and over. We then went to Hastings and bought a few used cds.

At the end of college some friends came up from Austin and we came up with an "Austin Soundtrack" and Hangin' Tough was on that (I'm sure there were more reasons, but I don't quite remember them).

Overall New Kids on the Block were a large part of my childhood and kind of define our generation. And onto Backstreet Boys. That was high school. I hear those songs and think about Heather's house and boyfriends and tanning at Tropical Tans and TRL and Haley. All kinds of fun memories.

So that is my NKOTBSB history. Now onto the concert!

Becky and Leah picked me up around 4:30 and to Tulsa we went. I had skipped lunch so stopping for food was must. Becky asked what we wanted and I said "this may sound silly, but can we get McDonald's because the first time I saw NKOTB we got McDonald's and it was the first time I ever had fries and sweet and sour sauce." So we did!

I made a NKOTB/BSB birthday mix CD for Becky since it was her birthday and it started with this:

We rocked out to the classics to Tulsa. I learned something new about my friend Becky that day: she has a bit of road rage. :) We had to go to Owasso first to pick up there tickets and then headed to BOK. We attempted to park and ended up a little close for Becky's big ol' car, so this is how she got out:

(and yes that is the shirt she made that said "I heart NKOTB" on the front and "birthday girl" with a 30 on it on the back...fabulous)

The next step was to find me a ticket, since I didn't have one. We ended up buying a pair and then sold the other one:

Not the best seat in the world, but for not having a ticket until 10 minutes before the show I would say we did quite well! I also made friends with (aka got molested by) a lovely drunk lady next to me. When the show started it didn't matter though.

There was some band that opened the show. We missed them. Oh well. I made it to my seat and there was a video commercial with Matthew Morrison and Jane Lynch from Glee. I didn't think much of it until I heard the first notes of "Sway." To say I freaked out might be an understatement. Matthew Morrison was opening. He is a beautiful, beautiful man with a beautiful voice and beautiful dance abilities. I was great at this point WITHOUT NKOTBSB. If you remember correctly he was mentioned here as one of my celebrity crushes. He was AMAZING. He's a singer, actor and dancer and his last song was called Keep on Dancing and was dedicated to his three idols: Gene Kelly, Patrick Swayze and Michael Jackson. The end of the song was a dance break where he did a Gene Kelly routine, the famous last dance from Dirty Dancing and all of MJ's classic moves. It was FABULOUS. I really could have stopped the concert there and been good, ah, but it didn't. Here is MM:

And the real show started. To say it was fabulous, wonderful, amazing, breathtaking and all of those words would be an understatement. All nine guys came out (Kevin from BSB didn't want to play...oh well). From a technical standpoint it was amazing. They performed together and then NKOTB performed, then the lights went out and BSB came out, then the lights went out and NKOTB was back. It was fabulous. The transitions were flawless. The lighting was amazing. My tech nerdness totally came out and I loved it.

So back to the men. Oh the men. I don't really care if most of the members of NKOTB are over 40, all I can say is: DAMN. Let's just say the concert was aimed towards their original fans (anywhere from age 22-40ish). There was a lot of, shall we say "sexual content" (pelvis thrusting, hips gyrating, crotch grabbing, cameras on previously mentioned crotches). It was, well, in a word: FABULOUS.

Donnie was my favorite. As I grew up and realized he was the "bad boy" I thought maybe I should have liked Jordan or Joey because they were the "cute" ones, but Donnie was it for me. Can I just say Donnie Wahlberg is the sexiest man on the planet? Yeah he is. Even Becky, who was die hard for Joey, admitted the sexiness of the Donnie.

They did all the fabulous songs from my childhood and we all danced and sang. One thing that was a bit different was the "bedazzled" nature of the clothing. I'm pretty sure several bedazzlers were killed in the making of the tour. The last song NKOTB did was Hangin' Tough (I could talk about all the songs, but I'll spare you). They came out in bedazzled Celtics jerseys (oh THAT's why I've always loved the Celtics, now I remember...I may even turn into a Red Sox fan for this). Then BSB came out in bedazzled Orlando Magic jerseys. It was amazing and I really can't say enough wonderful things about it.

At the end of the show we got back in the car (gushing about the sexiness of Donnie Wahlberg...who cares if he is almost 42, and yes after 20+ years I remembered his birthday without looking it up...wow). We then decided we needed to find the after party (because my friends that went in Dallas either ended up at the after party with Mr. Wahlberg or on his tour bus). So we drove around Tulsa looking and ended up back at the back of BOK where the buses were. Then a couple of vans pulled out and I saw a red and white trucker hat. I KNEW it was Donnie (my psychic connection from when I was eight came out, I guess). We tried to back out to follow them (yeah, we're nuts), but we lost them.

Then Twitter came into play and I started following them all and found out that he had gone to the airport to head out because he was filming the second season of Blue Bloods early the next morning. :( We were sad.

We headed back to Norman talking the entire way about the fabulous time we had just had. It was a fabulous, fabulous time and Becky is my new most favorite person in the world for making me go!

Now the goods, here are some pics from the show:

precious Joey

Jordan singing

Please, don't go, girl...you will ruin my whole world

and the sexy, sexy man himself

It was amazing. Really it way. You may think I'm nuts, but it was. There is just this wonderful thing about reliving your childhood. When we got back I did feel kind of sad. There is a good chance this is the last time I'll ever see them live (well, not if Becky has any say in it...we're going to be groupies!). Just another piece of growing up. It was a fabulous way to celebrate Becky's 30th birthday and to kick of my birthday season.

PS
The name for this post because one of my friends asked me how they aged and I said "like a fine, fine wine" (maybe I should have said a fine, fine, sexy wine!).

Faith

As a general rule I don't go too far into Christianity on my blog. I could probably name 100 reasons why (which I won't right now). I am a Christian and that is a fact that I am proud of. I am very sure in my faith, even if I don't spout out verses on facebook every day (not that there is anything wrong with that, just not my style). I am very active with my church (CrossTimbers UMC, you should come try it because it really is the best!). I will probably be the first to invite you to church because I really think it is that great (because it is).

I did not grow up going to church besides the occasional visit on Easter or with a friend, VBS at a few churches most summers and two trips to Falls Creek. It wasn't until my senior year of high school when I went with my two best friends on a random Sunday (and I'm pretty sure it was because two of the three of us felt guilty for something). After church we had lunch at El Chico and ran into our music teacher (my, now, dear friend Lisa) and she said we should come to youth choir at the Methodist church (Crystal regularly went and Heather and I are not going to be winning any talent shows with our singing ability). We went, then we went to youth afterwards. I had been to youth there a few times with Crystal, whose early high school boyfriend was a member. Clearly I loved youth choir because it was Lisa and it never failed, any time I showed up at youth it was some super serious event usually involving the lights being off and candles. That night was the exact same, specifically a feet washing thing. I spent the evening in a room with one of my childhood guy friends talking about God and life and faith and stuff. We were seventeen.

From that night I went to choir and youth every week (if we had perfect choir attendance we were going to see Jekyll and Hyde in Dallas two months later!). We had our first performance at church a few weeks later. We sang a song called "Beyond the Open Door." Until I got to this point in the post I had not heard that song since that day, but I wanted to include a video, so I looked it up and through the marvel that is the internet found it and listened to it again and it was a really, really, really, really fitting song to be the first song I sang in church.

We stayed for most of the service before heading out to Crystal's church. I really enjoyed the service. Kind of surprising for someone who didn't go to church. So the next week instead of going with Heather and Crystal to the Baptist church I went to Sunday school and church at the Methodist church. Don't get me wrong I had a ton of friends there and was making more every week, so it wasn't the craziest thing ever and my friend Katy's dad was the pastor. On the sign in book it asks if you are interested in becoming a member and one week I checked yes. I got a call from the associate pastor and little did I know everything was all kinds of set up for me to join! Before the conversation was over I learned that Katy had already offered to sponsor me! I think it was the next week I joined the church and was baptized (by sprinkling, because one of my issues with the Baptist church my whole life was the submersion process in baptism...it scared the living daylights out of me and I wanted nothing to do with it. To be honest it still freaks me out to think about).

So now I was a full blown Methodist. The summer was spent with all my new (and old) friends at FUMC Ardmore, then going to Chrysalis (which is a story for another post) and some stuff after that and then I headed to college. It was a given that I would go to the Wesley Foundation (United Methodist student center) and I did. I made a lot of friends and got involved very quickly in a Christian sorority, two Bible studies, the freshman group and freshman leadership.

I won't go into all the memories and events from Wesley. There were a lot of friends made and even more lessons learned. I graduated college in 2004 and didn't really have a church home. I had on and off gone with my friend Sarah to a new church in Norman, but it didn't completely stick. In September I started dating a guy at home, so I was all about going home to church any time I could. I love my home church and I still do. The friends that I had in youth morphed into adult friends and I loved seeing them every week. Most were in the choir and I enjoyed going to performances and was very sad that I was in Norman and they were in Ardmore. It was this amazing little group and I so wanted to be a part of it full time and not just part time. At that moment in time I truly thought that I would marry this guy and life would be complete, with me in Ardmore and being a part of that group.

God had other plans. Some stuff happened within that group of friends and then we broke up, again, in May and I started dating someone else, in Norman. When that happened I wanted nothing to do with Ardmore. All the activities that the ex and I had shared interest in were immediately out of my life. I wanted nothing to do with them. I wanted to start this new life in Norman, where I knew my home would be.

My boyfriend and I tried to find a church. We would get into a church mood and try to find something that we agreed on (he was Baptist, me Methodist), but it would last a few weeks and we would stop going for this reason or that reason. I tried, a lot, but nothing ever stuck. That was the first year. Another problem is that I am stubborn. I wanted to go to a Methodist church because I love it. I love the doctrine and the way the conference is set up and the camps and the liturgy and the hymns and everything about it. Hindsight is 20/20 and I probably should have been a little more open minded, but I wasn't.

After we got engaged I met this very nice girl at work and asked why she had moved to Norman (Moore) from Tishomingo. She explained that her husband was asked to start a church, a United Methodist church. Well hot dog! Here was something that we could be a part of from the beginning. Apparently my stubbornness had rubbed off on the fiance and he wasn't having it, however I ended up on the mailing list for "new Moore church" (which is what CrossTimbers was before it was CrossTimbers). Jennifer had applied for several jobs and was offered one a few weeks into her job with me that worked better with her desire to get her Masters, so she left. We were friends on facebook though so we kept in contact, plus I was getting all the church emails.

The next six months were not the best of my life, but they are a very important part of it. If you have been reading my blog for any time you know that we broke up 41 days before the wedding, leaving me sad and broken. At some point during that six months I had watched Fireproof (Christian movie with Kirk Cameron and really bad acting, but a really good story). In the movie the premise is based on a relationship that is in crisis and likely to end in divorce. The main character is challenged to do the Love Dare, a relationship exercise that lasts 40 days and is based on 1 Corinthians 13.

When I woke up the morning after the break up I just KNEW that God wanted me to do the Love Dare. After all it was exactly 40 days until the wedding, so it made perfect sense. I knew that God was a key component that was missing from that relationship and I figured this was His way of telling me that and showing me how to fix it (oh and I am a fixer). So I started it. What came out of it was not us getting back together, but a huge change in me.

Shortly after the break up I messaged Jennifer with what had happened and asking if CrossTimbers (had a name by then!) had anything going on. There was one small group meeting and it wasn't anything I was interested in (again, hindsight is 20/20 and I SO should have jumped on board that one, but oh well, I still needed some time and to learn a few lessons). That was the middle of May. The first Sunday in August was my birthday and it was not a good day, at all. It also happened to be the second to last Sunday that CrossTimbers was meeting in the school where they had been conducting services. They had a building! She invited me to the last Sunday.

The day before that last Sunday the women's group, Breathe, was meeting. Some stuff happened that day that signaled I needed a change. We were supposed to RSVP to the pastor, so I did. Now this is a HUGE thing for me. I HATE calling people. And I really hate calling people I don't know. I don't really like talking on the phone to people I do know. So I called Chris, who probably thought I was nuts at the moment, and who told Jennifer that her friend Wendy from her first Norman job was coming to Breathe that night.

The plan was to make tshirts at one of the girl's houses. Dinner was provided, but we were asked to bring dessert. I whipped up some no bake cookies, because really who doesn't like them? I found the house and drove around until I saw Jennifer's car pull up (I also hate going in places where I don't know people). I met Jennifer in the yard and walked in with her. Well it turns out that I loved the girls. The guys met up with us at the end of the night and they seemed okay too.

The next morning I walked into the school, in a dress, and sat down next to one of the girls I met the night before, whose husband played the drums. Then in walked Valerie and Ashley (JJ's parents) and they came and sat with me. If you ever need someone to make new people feel welcome Valerie is the person. She just loves making new friends. I looked around and noticed I was pretty much the only one in a dress (except, thank God, for Brittany). Then the music started. I have already mentioned drums, there were also electric guitars, not an organ in sight. A bit about me, at that moment, I was NOT a fan of contemporary worship. I like it, but NOT for Sunday morning. Clearly I couldn't just get up and walk out and I was so disappointed because I really liked all the girls I met the night before. I was in a pickle. I just didn't think I could handle this contemporary church, what to do, what to do?

Then Chris did his sermon. It was the second Sunday of the text message sermon series. We got our phones out and looked though our texts and what they said about us and who we were talking to. Well if THAT didn't make me question things then I don't know what would (some of the people I was talking to at the time I should NOT have been talking to). I was so intrigued by his sermon. At the end of service I told Jennifer that exact thing: that at the beginning I didn't think there was any way I could handle contemporary and I fully planned to thank them for their time and never walk back through the doors, but then Chris did his sermon and I was hooked.

If you want to hear what I really thought check out this video from Annual Conference 2010.

When a church meets in a school it means that everything starts in a couple of trailers, is unloaded each Sunday morning, set up, then torn down, and put back in the trailers. Well this Sunday was different because it was going to be torn down, loaded up and then taken to the new building. I didn't have anything better to do so I helped them load up and move to the new building. On my way over I called my friend Mary and told her that I had gone to this new church and I really liked it, but I wasn't going to get super, over involved (because I have a tendency to do that).

I helped unload and was pretty excited about the next Sunday. So....I wasn't going to get over involved? Sunday number two of Wendy at CrossTimbers I talked to Jennifer about starting a prayer card ministry (something my friends and I did at Wesley in college).

Yeah you can pretty much say that was history. I didn't have a prayer of not getting super, over involved. It's just who I am. Oh well. When it comes down to it I do love it. It is very rare for a sermon to be preached that doesn't hit me in some way. I can't count how many times I left church thinking about a sermon and driving and bawling for hours after. Or crying through a song during communion. There is something very, very special about that place. I love the people and the service (I got over my hatred of contemporary service and you can read about that here) and absolutely everything about it. It is an amazing community of amazing people, most of whom are family now. I know that if something happens in the middle of the night I can call Chris bawling and he will be there (though I generally schedule my meltdowns a bit better than that ;)). I have people that call just to check on me and worry about me. I have amazing people that have let me into their families when I really need that.

We come together in joy celebrating weddings and new babies. We are there for each other when things aren't going so well. We come together to support each other. We are learning and growing with this little church.

Today I got a call that rocked my world. It left me in shock and sadness. It is the kind of thing that makes you really question what on earth God is thinking. Yesterday I was struck with the sadness of poor little Jamesie and this one isn't any better. It is another child taken entirely too early.

Through the last two years I have grown immensely in my faith. I may have questioned God's intentions when my wedding was cancelled, but I am completely confident that it was the right thing. I know that everything had to happen exactly the way that it did in order to get me to my ultimate calling. I know my purpose in life. I know what I am meant to do. I am only 29 (at least for a few more weeks) and I know exactly what I was put on this earth to do. If everything hadn't happened the exact way that it did then I wouldn't be here.

I know that these two families that are grieving right now will eventually understand God's plan and why it had to happen the way that it did. I know that and I fully believe that. But even as strong as I am and as much faith as I have I don't understand this. I don't understand why people get so sick and I really don't understand when they are just innocent children. I don't get it. I probably never will. My heart absolutely aches for these families. I don't have any comprehension of how they are handling things right now because it is so far outside of my realm of reality.

Yesterday my sweet friend Karen Chaffin (an Ardmore FUMC friend and mom of two of my high school friends) posted this on her facebook:

I've never forgotten being told that God doesn't give you the ticket for the train until it's time to take a ride. Grace is given as grace is needed. Lysa TerKeurst posted: I am not equipped to handle what others have—both good and bad. I am, on the other hand, completely equipped to handle what I’ve been given. And the more time I spend being thankful for my life, the less I look around wishing for something else.

I cannot imagine a post that could be any more true for what I am feeling right now. I cannot imagine going through the things that these families are going through and I pray that I will never have to, I'm strong, but I don't think there is any way I could ever be that strong. I am aching for people that I don't know and for events that did not directly affect me and I am handling it horribly.

When I have to step up to do things in these situations it is very rare for anyone to see how it is affecting me. I don't cry at funerals. I am the strong one. I have been known to tell people that if they need someone to go to a funeral with them then call me. Death doesn't bother me. Well it bothers me, of course, but I can handle it very well. I have always understood death. Long before developmentally and psychologically I was supposed to. That's how I've always been. Need a meal? I'll cook it. Need a lunch planned? I'm your girl. Need someone to hold your hand while you cry? That's me. I am afraid my track record for this is about to be broken. Honestly I don't know what is going to happen in the next few weeks and I don't know how I will handle it. I fully believe God doesn't give us anything that we can't handle (though sometimes I really wish He didn't trust me so much), but this may be a true test to my faith and my ability to keep it together.

Please say a prayer for these two sweet families. I apologize for not giving details, but it is not my place to do so at this time. You can say a prayer and I promise God knows all the details. Selfishly I also ask that you say a prayer for me in some situations that I will face over the next few weeks. Pray that I am able to be strong for the people that need me.

I just read the most recent post on Jamesie's blog and cannot stop crying. I cannot imagine what they are going through. I can literally feel my heart breaking for them. I want to feel lucky for everything I have in my life, but I am so overcome with emotion for the people that I know are hurting right now that even that is hard to do. Usually when I write it is to release emotion and when I go back and read it I can see how far I have come and it makes me happy. This post is different. This one is full of grief and sadness and emotions that I don't even really understand. I pray for a miracle. That is still possible for one family. Medical science says it is impossible, but nothing is impossible with God. For the other family I pray for peace and healing. I pray that all that know or have been touched by both situations will know peace and comfort. I'm not really to a stopping point, but it is getting very hard to see the computer screen through the tears, so I will end with this:

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

~Hebrews 11:1

Likely to Offend

If you just read the title this blog proceed with caution. If you continue and you are offended by this, frankly I don't want to hear it. This is my blog and my opinion. You do not have to agree with me or the article I will be referencing, but, just as you are, I am entitled to my own opinion, and this is it.

You have been warned.
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Earlier on facebook someone posted that Hugh Hefner died and I wanted to check the validity of this statement. I looked at MSN and then at Yahoo. (He didn't die, by the way.) When I was on Yahoo this headline jumped out at me:

Restaurant bans kids under 6. Discrimination or smart move?

I was beyond intrigued. I am going to paraphrase the article, but if you want to read it then click here. Basically a restaurant in Pennsylvania was receiving a lot of complaints about noisy children disrupting the other customers, thus they decided to make their restaurant not so child friendly. There were A LOT of comments following the article (like 10,000). Clearly I did not read all of them, but I did read a few and most of them agreed with the decision. One person stated something about noisy adults being in bars, but this particular restaurant claimed that it was an "upscale, casual and quiet" restaurant, not your typical rowdy bar.

Here is where many of my readers may be offended. I wholeheartedly think this was a BRILLIANT move. Now, before you get too mad, I don't think ALL restaurants should be like this, but I would not at all be opposed to some here and there. Sure you there are places that are only open to adults 21 and older, but those are also the places that allow you to smoke in the state of Oklahoma. It would be nice to have a place or two where you are guaranteed that you will not have to deal with children, misbehaving or not, and be able to breathe clean air.

There are many reasons why I think this would be a benefit, the obvious one being the distraction, but some people just don't want to be around children, or want to take a break from children, others' or their own.

I am not the type that just adores kids. I know, I know, it may appear as such because I do adore "my" kids. However the difference is that I have an emotional connection to these children. Kids, in general, I do not care for. I don't get all mushy, gushy when I see a baby that I don't know. If I know the child or the parents that is a different story. As I have documented quite a lot lately I want to get married and have kids, however now is not the time, which I am fine with. I have the utmost faith that when the time is right then it will all happen. Right now, though, I don't want to talk about husbands and kids all the time. I seem to get myself around people that can only talk about these two topics. I have a lot of friends and most of them have kids (and quite a few have spouses) and occasionally, even most of the time, we can talk about things that have absolutely nothing to do with their children. Sure I want to hear what the kids have been up to, but I hate when an entire conversation with one or more friends centers around ONLY the trials and tribulations of being married and having kids. Frankly I feel completely left out and it hurts my feelings, A LOT. It makes me feel that I am completely behind the curve because I am lacking both of these. I feel like my life is incomplete because I am missing these supposed key components of life.

I HATE THAT FEELING.

I mentioned something on facebook the other day about looking forward to the day when I do not allow other people to govern my emotions. I'm not there yet. I may never be because I'm human. I had a discussion on Valentine's Day with a friend about relationships and how if you aren't in one at our age it seems as though you are doing something wrong. Both of us are successful, have good jobs, have wonderful goals, are working on our Masters, have great friends and amazing social lives, but society (at least in the Bible Belt) makes you feel like you've screwed something up because you aren't married and procreating. I am not single entirely by choice. I would love to be in a relationship right now, however I am not desperate to be in one. I enjoy not having to answer to someone and getting to be selfish with my time. I know that won't always be the case, but right now it is and I'm enjoying it. When I find a great guy that I'm supposed to be in a (healthy) relationship with then I will be in a relationship, but until then I'm not and that's fine.

I am happy with my life, as I should be. I have accomplished a lot in my life. I have a lot more to accomplish. I fully believe that a husband and kid(s) will play into those accomplishments, but NOT RIGHT NOW. I'm not worried about the future, I know that it will come when it is supposed to.

So married/relationshipped/parent friends, here is a little tidbit from your single friends:

sometimes we don't want to hear a thing about your kid

sometimes we don't want to hear a thing about your spouse/significant other

sometimes we don't want to talk about relationships at all, yours or ours (real or hypothetical)

There are a lot of times that we do want to hear about your kids. There are a lot of times we want to hear about your spouse. We want to hear about these things to prepare ourselves for the future and to have something to look forward to, but not all the time. Please remember that it is really nice to have someone to go home to after a girls' night out and some of us don't have that, so please don't take advantage of it.

So, yes, I would love to have some restaurants where you can go and have an adult meal without dealing with children. There was an awesome episode of Sex and the City that focused on this. It is from Season 6, Episode 9 and is called "A Woman's Right to Shoes." Basic plot is that Carrie goes to a baby shower and has to remove her shoes ($485, of course) and they are stolen. She then realizes exactly how much money she has spent on this friend between bridal showers, wedding, travel to those places, and all the baby showers. Carrie has an awesome quote (which I posted on Valentine's Day and some people were less than impressed with it):

Think about it. If you are single, after graduation there isn't one occasion where people celebrate you ... Hallmark doesn't make a "congratulations, you didn't marry the wrong guy" card. And where's the flatware for going on vacation alone?

Yeah that didn't go over well at all. I deleted some comments on that one. During this episode Samantha is offended by children running around restaurants, but the straw that breaks the camel's back is when a child flings pasta sauce at her and SHE gets kicked out of the restaurant for talking on her cell phone. (There is revenge at the end at Manolo Blahnik when a mom is asked to watch her children so they don't touch the shoes.) The episode closes with this quote:

The fact is, sometimes it's really hard to walk in a single woman's shoes. That's why we need really special ones now and then to make the walk a little more fun

It is hard being single, especially at my advanced age in this area. I know I'm not the only one that feels this way. I am, however, probably the only one that is willing to put it in writing for the whole world to see though. Like I said if you read the whole thing and you are offended now, don't say you weren't warned. I don't need any consolation for my horrible condition of being single. I don't need anyone reminding me that I'll find the right one. I don't need your pity. If you are my friend then I need you to be my friend, take a step back from being a mom or dad, or a husband or a wife, and just be a friend from time to time. Who knows it might be pretty good for you too.

(For the record, this is not aimed at ANYONE in particular. Nothing happened to trigger this, I just saw this article and thought it was brilliant. Also, when the time comes that I am in a relationship again and then have kids I am going to try my hardest to follow my own advice and remember how these things make me feel now, that is why writing it down is a good thing. Oh and I tried to get the clips of Samantha at the restaurant and could not for the life of me find a clip on the internet. Geez I thought EVERYTHING was on the internet.)

Technicolor

Yesterday Chris continued his series on facebook with a sermon entitled "status update." The general gist of the sermon was that words have great power and we have the choice to use those words for good or for evil and that what we say shows who we are and what we believe in

In an interesting turn of events I was faced with a real life scenario illustrating his point last night. There was a huge misunderstanding regarding the acquisition of some property. Due to this misunderstanding a "friend" on facebook took the situation incredibly wrong and posted a slanderous facebook post about me. There was no doubt in my mind who it was about. (It was pretty obvious and left little to the imagination)

At that moment, in seeing the conduct of this person, I made the conscious choice to remove them from my "friend" list on facebook, as well as the others involved in the situation. To be quite honest this is something I should have done months ago because these people are not my friends, however I don't generally remove people from facebook; the situation must be pretty severe for me to resort to that. In this particular circumstance I felt it was severe enough for me to "unfriend" this group of people.

This was not done out of spite. It was due to the fact that I do not wish to be associated with individuals that would use words in a such a hateful manner. I will be the first to admit that I am guilty of gossiping when I shouldn't, however to blatantly slander another individual in such a public forum is beyond ridiculous and out of my realm of comprehension.

I find it so interesting when Chris' sermons align so well with real life. I think it is important not only to watch how we personally use words, but also to watch those people that we associate with and who we consider to be our friends.

The people that you surround yourself with are the people that others will consider you to resemble.

Personally I do not wish to be associated with people who cannot act like adults when they are in fact, at least chronologically, adults.

Rather than condemning these people I will say a prayer for them.

• I pray that they find some peace in their life, for it seems to me that they are lacking some peace.
• I pray that they find happiness in themselves, for it seems to me that they are lacking happiness.
• I pray that they find contentment in their life, for it seems to me that they are lacking contentment.

I leave you with a quote:

Show class, have pride, and display character. If you do, winning takes care of itself. ~"Bear" Bryant, University of Alabama football coach

A Celebration

Today I went to the celebration of the life of Soroosh Davani. Soroosh passed away on Christmas day and was the loving husband of one of my college friends, Rosemary. He courageously fought cancer and in his words: "I did not lose my battle with cancer. I won my battle with life by living my life to the fullest."

My first memory of Soroosh had nothing to do with him at all, actually. My freshman year of college I pledged a Christian sorority, Kappa Phi, and one of our first activities was a progressive dinner. One of our stops was Rosemary's apartment. She had this beautiful table scape (on the floor :)) with beautiful linens and dishes (not your typical paper plates) and had all this amazing food, specifically, tabouli and hummus. I grew up going to Jamil's Steakhouse in Tulsa, a steakhouse that also served classic Lebanese food, so I was in heaven with this stuff! Rosemary explained that she had learned the recipes from her boyfriend's mom. When I told my mom about all of this she said I needed to make friends with this girl to learn how to cook this amazing food!

My next memory, and the first of Soroosh himself, was at our Hayride a few weeks later. In walks this couple. The best word I can use to describe them was dashing! They were beautiful! They certainly did not look like they belonged in Norman, Oklahoma; maybe at some fashion show in New York or LA, but not anywhere that I was, for sure! They both had on long leather coats and at least one of them had a fancy hat on. They were just beautiful. I remember seeing them, with my eyes wide open, thinking that there was no way this fancy couple would ever be people I could be friends with; they were just way too sophisticated for this small town girl.

Well this would be an example where first impressions are not always correct. Rosemary and Soroosh were certainly as beautiful and sophisticated as they seemed, but as I got to know them I learned that they were also two of the nicest, most genuine loving people I have, to this day, ever met. It was so easy to see how much they loved each other, even as young as we were (though they never seemed as young as me because they just carried themselves with such maturity).

One of the most interesting things about them is their religion. As previously mentioned, Kappa Phi was a Christian sorority and Rosemary was devoutly Catholic. Soroosh was Muslim. When I have told people about them, in the last week two weeks and since I've known them, people always question how on earth this worked. Both were very strong in their faith, but they had such a respect for each other and each other's faith that it just worked. I know many, many couples that are of the exact same faith that couldn't get it together like Rosemary and Soroosh! They were truly perfectly matched soulmates that were lucky enough to find each other.

I lost track of them for several years in there and then found her on facebook a few years ago, after his diagnosis. I was shocked when I saw it. She sent me a message with the story and it just made me so sad. They married in 2006, after he finished law school and were living in Arizona. It just seemed so unfair. They were beautiful, both inside and out, and had their entire life ahead of them, and then were struck down with this horrible disease. It makes you really step back and think. It makes you think about your own life and mortality and what all we can do with our lives.

His celebration of life, the Norman version, was today. I really hoped to not cry, but I did. Heck, I cry at everything. I would like to think that these were tears of joy knowing that I was lucky to enough to have known this great man; and knowing that I am lucky enough to consider this beautiful, strong, amazing woman a friend and sister.

There were two passages that were said today that really stuck out to me. One was by a deacon from Rosemary's church. I don't have the exact passage, but I'll paraphrase.

A man was at the point in his life when he was to die. He began asking those around him who would go with him. His wife and children said they could not. His friends said they could not. The grain of the field that he worked could not. When he was buried and went to heaven all that went with him were his actions, who gladly made the trip.

Wow. That was really powerful to me. It reminded me of a quote by one of my favorite people, Grace Kelly:

I would like to be remembered as someone who accomplished useful deeds, and who was a kind and loving person. I would like to leave the memory of a human being with a correct attitude and who did her best to help others.

I pray that I can be that person. I know that watching Rosemary and Soroosh, when I was around them and watching their journey on facebook, certainly has made me a better person. Rosemary attributes her strength to lessons she learned from Soroosh, but I think, while that is true, she is also one of the strongest people I have ever had the pleasure of being around and that strength comes from inside her. She shows that strength to everyone that she encounters and will continue to share that strength for the rest of her life.

The second quote that was shared was by Robert Frost:

Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.

Well isn't that certainly true? I pray that I can find a love and have a relationship that is half as happy and filled with love as the one that I was so privileged to witness in Rosemary and Soroosh.

If you are someone who prays please keep Rosemary and Soroosh's family in your prayers in the next few days, weeks and months. They are amazing people, but a few extra prayers for strength has never hurt anyone.

I leave you with a photograph of the happy couple from our college days, at some fun Kappa Phi dance. They are smiling and happy, which is how I will always remember them.

Full

This weekend I realized just how full my life is; and I don't mean in the busy way (though it certainly is that!). I mean full in the rich, fulfilling, wonderful way. I love my life right now! I have surrounded myself with amazing friends that are more like family. They encourage and support me. I got to spend the weekend with some newer friends, some old friends, some young and some old. There is nothing more heart warming than being around people that you genuinely enjoy. I am blessed to be Aunt Wennie to some amazing kiddos. I am surrounded by an amazing church family. I help with the best youth group (yeah I think you guys rock even if I give you a hard time!). I am blessed to know exactly what I am meant to do with my life and am so excited to start. I see nothing but amazing possibilities in the future, but I am also enjoying everything that is going on right now (though I am ready for this semester to be over!). Overall I am just excited to be where I am. :)

Thirty in Thirty: Twelve

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. ~Marcel Proust

This person might be the nicest person I know. First of all, she has never met a stranger. Second, the instant she meets you she wants to be your friend. Third, she will always be your friend and she will be loyal.

That pretty much sums her up. The first night that I met her I wasn't sure how to handle her. I liked her right away, but she is pretty high strung and never stops. I'm a little more low key, so I didn't know if I could handle that much energy. Sometimes she kind of wears me out!

From the minute I met her she was trying to get pregnant and we knew everything about it! (Having two friends going through fertility treatments hearing about ovulation, cycles and trying wasn't that big of a deal to me.) After what seemed like an eternity she got pregnant (I think it was about two months after I met her actually!). I knew immediately that she was having a boy. There was no doubt in my mind, and I was right.

Now we are pretty good friends, but she has a sister who would be this little guy's aunt. When he came out I was immediately Aunt Wendy. I just love that. I cannot wait for this little guy to grow up and for me to spoil him rotten (and turn him into a Sooner fan!).

I think what I have learned from her is how to really love everyone, because she does. She is going to be the first person to make a stranger feel welcome. Any time I need to feel a part of a family all I have to do is call her up and she always makes me feel welcome and wanted.

Thirty in Thirty: Eleven

It is not so much our friends' help that helps us, as the confidence of their help. ~Epicurus

I cannot believe I have known this person less than a year.

The first night I met her she had on a shirt from my college sorority, so I thought we would hit it off immediately. Then not so much. The more we were talking the more she talked about being into outdoorsy stuff and well, that's not me. I didn't think we would end up getting along at all. Boy, was I wrong!

I'm not sure when it all changed, but it did. We share a love for crafting and Christmas decorating, and pearls, and shoes, and most everything else (except our choice of college loyalty). Earlier this year when I found out she was pregnant I was CERTAIN it was a girl. I mean, certain. To the point that I had already bought stuff to make her baby stuff, in girl patterns and colors. I was in a meeting when she called to tell me the "verdict" and her call was so funny: WE WERE WRONG! Nonetheless I adore that little guy, so all's well, though she can hurry up and have another one so we can have a girl to take to dance class and get all dolled up at dance recitals! (She may kill me for making that comment when she reads this...LOVE YOU!!!)

Like I said, we bonded over crafting and would have craft nights and work on stuff and I think I tried to teach her to knit (she went back to her needlepoint pretty quickly, but she'll get it eventually). Hers and her husband's families are in Texas, so they are gone "home" quite a lot, so I don't get to see her as much as I would like and add school, work and Junior League for me it is a hit and miss type of a deal.

Somewhere around February I was having a really, really crummy day and we were having a women's group evening and I was just not in the mood to really be there, luckily though, she showed up. We ended up chatting at one end of the table and I took her home and sat in the car crying for about an hour. This would have been one of those frustrated moments that everyone in my world was married and pregnant and I wasn't and frankly, I felt that I was standing still while everyone else was moving forward. In no way could I see it any other way. This wonderful, wonderful friend looked at me and said she felt like she was the one getting left behind because here I was in grad school and she wasn't and thought she would be.

She is always there and can tell when I'm upset. And she is always there to listen and remind me that I'm a good person, no matter what I seem to think. She is one of the first people I want to call when something exciting happens and she is always fun to talk to about silly things that are going on in my life. Unfortunately I know my time with her is limited (stupid military family), but the bonus is that no matter where they go I will have somewhere fun to visit!

Sometimes you need that friend that will point out how wonderful your life really is. In no way would she change her life, of course, and in no way would I change mine, but it helps to have a friend around that reminds you just how good you have it.

Thirty in Thirty: Ten

Don't aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally ~David Frost


I think all too many times people equate success with financial gain or with achieving what everyone else has: the big house, the cute, smart husband, the perfect children. I think it is important to have someone in your life that reminds you that success in not measured by that, but rather, by doing what you love.

I am overly blessed to have that person in my life. I have known her about fourteen years and she was my high school music teacher. We were close in high school, when my grandmother died I went and spent the day in her classroom, we went on trips to Dallas to pick up props for musicals, ran all over town trying to track down FedEx to pick up backdrops, you know the typical high school stuff.

At the end of my senior year, however, I started going to her church (the large Methodist church in my hometown) with my best friend. She was the youth choir director and the best friend dragged me along. Please don’t be fooled, just because I said she was my high school music teacher does not mean that I sang, I was in Stage Crafts and ran the sound for our show choir. I do not sing. Well I do, but not well, so me joining a youth choir was nuts. I would have never done it if it wasn’t for this teacher and that best friend. It ended up being a lot of fun, and I don’t know if she loved me enough to put up with my singing or I don’t sing as bad as I thought, but I stuck with it through graduation.

I had been going to the youth group for awhile, but never actually went to “church” as in Sunday mornings, or we would go to the Baptist church for Sunday morning and the Methodist church for youth on Sunday nights. Because of youth choir and us singing in church some Sunday mornings I had the opportunity to experience the Methodist church. I grew up “Baptist.” I put the quotation marks because that was the church I was most likely to go to on the very rare occasion that I went to church growing up. VBS was always at the Baptist church and I think I remember going to one Sunday church in my entire childhood, maybe a few others if the VBS kids were singing or something.

Well I loved the Methodist church. I started going there all the time and a few months in joined the church and was baptized. That summer I offered to help with VBS. The girl I was babysitting also went to that church and went to VBS every summer, so instead of sleeping in and picking her up after VBS I just went with her and helped my teacher, who was quickly becoming an adult friend, with the craft area. I did this for the next few years.

The summer after my sophomore year she was asked to be the dean of Joy Camp. Now this was my kind of camp. It was for third through fifth graders and it wasn’t camp like you would think of camp. It was church camp, but rather than hiking and canoeing and all that icky outdoorsy stuff we learned about God through the arts, in air conditioning. I, along with some other of her friends from church, including her brother and some other former students, got recruited into being the “counselors” for the camp,

I cannot express how much fun this was. We did the camp for six years and I’m really not sure who had more fun: the adults or the kids. Those are some of my favorite summer memories. I won’t go into some of the inside jokes on here, but if you went to camp you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Through my adult life she has been a constant. She is one person I can spill everything too and she always lets me know that it will be okay. Not in the sense of “oh, there there everything will be fine,” but a lot of times it is more like, I’ve been there and I made it through, you are strong, so will you. When all my friends were getting married around me and I wasn’t she was the one that told me the story of her and her husband and the timing of it. When my engagement was broken, it wasn’t until I talked it out with her that I had the strength to take off my wedding ring. Now that I am wanting to take this crazy leap of faith into starting a non profit she is there reminding me that what I want to do is something that is needed and that regardless of how much money I don’t make from it that the rewards that I will get will be better than any paycheck. She is also the one that reminds me that you don’t have to have a man in order to have a baby (and reminds me that I’m not getting any younger!).

I know that not matter what I choose to do with my life she will be there to support me in every way and for that I am very grateful.

Thirty in Thirty: Nine

Okay I can't find a quote, so we'll just say this:

Everything happens for a reason.

I truly think God put this person in this job for a short period of time solely for the reason of me meeting her.

In 2008 I was engaged and planning a wedding and not going to church. There was a new girl at work and I actually had time to sit down and do my whole new worker training. Through some crazy reason that I still don't know we somehow got on the subject of church. Probably I had asked how she ended up working there, and she said she had just moved because her husband was asked to start a church.

Not only was he asked to start a church, he was asked to start a United Methodist church. Hmmmmm I thought this could be a good thing. Well she ended up working with me for two weeks I think and she was off to a better job opportunity for her. In the meantime, though, we'd hit it off and I ended up on the email list for this new church (which didn't have a name at the time). They were having an event to kind of recruit people for the church and I tried to talk the fiance into going, which didn't work.

I was still on the mailing this through the decision process of the name, through the logo choice, and through the first service, in a school gym. That was April. We broke up in May. When we did I knew that church was one thing that I needed back in my life. I messaged her on facebook and told her this, but I still didn't get the courage to go. Then on my birthday she posted a happy birthday post on my wall and said I should come the next Sunday because it would be the last week in the school, they had a building. I stewed it over that week.

On August 8, 2009, a Saturday, the women's group was meeting to have dinner and make shirts. Somewhere that day I decided that it was time for life to change, so I made the call and said I was coming.

And I am so glad that I did! I met the girls and liked them immediately. I knew that it would be easier to go to "church" if I knew more than just my only friend, which was right. The next morning I walked into the school and realized that it was contemporary worship. Arg. I don't like contemporary. That really sucked because I really liked the girls I had met the night before. I "suffered" through the first few songs and we got to the sermon. That was all it took, I was hooked!

I had told my best friend that I was not going to get over involved. She said, "uh huh, okay," knowing that there was no way that was going to happen. I ended up helping, on my first Sunday, the church move into the new building. I was still resolved not to get over involved though.

By the second Sunday I was suggesting we start a prayer card ministry.

The rest, as they say, is history. I truly think that she was sent to my job for those two weeks just to get me to CrossTimbers. I am truly thankful for that. And I'm thankful that I'm nosey and always ask how people end up where they are! :)

Thirty in Thirty: Seven

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. ~Albert Schweitzer

My first day of work at my first "adult" job I met this person. We did not exactly hit it off. I thought she was a goody-goody prude and she thought I was a drunk, partying sorority girl. To be honest neither of us was too far off. She'd just graduated from a private Christian university where she was an RA. I had just finished up at OU where I'd spent the last two years drinking A LOT of alcohol along with a host of other not so good for me things.

The good news was that we took time to get through that surface stereotype and learn who the other one really was. And we became best friends.

I was there when she met her husband to be, and how she wasn't so sure about him. She was there for the first adult boyfriend (referenced in number three of this series) that didn't work out so well. She got engaged the night that I met the last boyfriend/fiance. When I went out with him the first time she told me not to worry about it, just to let go and enjoy it and she'd do the worrying.

She was there during the first breakup, the second, the third, the fourth, and the most during the last. We talked every day, several times a day right after the wedding was called off. Throughout my relationship she tried to explain the concept of codependency to me, but I never allowed it to sink in. Oh I knew that I was very codependent, but I did not want to hear it. Finally after that break up I got it through my head. Through many, many, many, many talks, tears and realizations I began to heal from the relationship.

The hardest part was that I had to learn who I was, as an adult, in Norman, without him. Let's be honest. I graduated college, partied that whole summer, started a job and started dating someone from home, leading me to be at home every weekend and a few times a week. When that finally came to an end I just wanted away from him, so I threw myself into the next relationship, giving up all the things that were me that reminded me of him for this guy who was such a polar opposite.

Here I was now trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted. July 23, 2009 I cried on the phone to her for about three hours. We went through everything and I was frustrated by my lack of passion. The ex was passionate about sports, but what was I passionate about? Him. (And my darling child I nannied for.) Through this conversation all I could come up with was people. What I finally realized was that I wanted to help people. I don't know that I would have seen that without her talking me through it.

She has her Masters of Human Relations. That's how we met. She moved to Norman to go to grad school and we went to work at the same place, on the same day. Halloween day, last year, on a whim, I asked her about grad school. It was just a question, nothing really serious about it. We ended up talking for a long time the next night. I have already expressed how much I want to be a mom and I want a daughter, plain and simple. I was very lightly rolling the idea of grad school in my head. I kind of had a framework of what I wanted to do, or what group I wanted to help, and when I realized that there was a non profit element to the MHR I was intrigued.

As we're talking and I started to kind of come around to the idea, realized how many hours it was and what the requirements were, she said the cruelest, meanest, most perfect thing to me: What are you going to tell your daughter when you had this opportunity to further your education and you didn't do it?

WHAT?!?!?!

Geez. That was low. Using my yet to be conceived child, that I want more than anything against me? You know what? It worked. That was the one thing that I needed to jump start me. I realized that I have this amazing opportunity. I was given a second chance. I had decided that my life would be one way, but God did not see it that way. I was given this chance to not only change my life, but hopefully to change others' as well.

I hated school. Especially college. I wasn't really looking forward to "hitting the books" again. What I realized, though, was that I have finally found my calling. Now I hate the word "calling" because the majority of people that I have heard use it have been so full of crap that it just makes it sound like total B.S. But, alas, that's what it is. My challenge to myself, though, is to not rush through school and be looking forward to the finish line, like I have my entire life. I am truly, honestly enjoying school. I love that in grad school (or maybe it is just the Human Relations department) that they really seem to want you to learn. We have a social justice basis and they challenge you to make a difference in your community, no matter what track you set yourself on. I love that! I love my specialization! I love the potential that I can see coming from it! I feel so lucky and blessed to have a second chance at life. I know I'm going to make a difference. I'm not exactly sure how, but I have some ideas and I think after next semester I am going to be ready to take a huge step of faith and try it out. Time will tell.

I'm so glad that I didn't take this friend at face value and totally stereotype her that first day at work. Who knows where I would be without her!