Story Telling

I saw this on Pinterest a bit ago and it really fits with what I've been reading lately and just in general what I've been feeling. Oh, hello blog world, I suppose I'm back, we'll see how that goes and maybe you'll get an update on where I've been later, but for now I have a mild rant.

So this quote above talks about the story that we tell with our lives. You can take this from a religious standpoint or not, either way we only have one life and one fabulous story to tell. So over the last month I have read a couple of books by Donald Miller (LOVE. HIM.). The first was Blue Like Jazz (I promise I'll do book reviews again soon too...it is summer, there has been lots of reading!). This was his memoir about when he was college age. I would call him a writer who is Christian, not a Christian writer, but in the book he talks about friends he had who were not Christian and how he interacted with them. Pretty awesome. So after that came out some movie people found it and say "hey, let's make a movie out of this." What followed was him having to write the story of his life over, in the form of a screenplay for this movie. He then wrote A Million Miles in a Thousand Years about what it is like to rewrite the story of your life.

This book got me thinking. A lot. We all have a story to tell. We all have things that happen in our lives that intertwine with others' stories, leading to one great big story. While we sometimes like to forget that we're not the main character in our own movie it is kind of refreshing to realize what an impact our life has on the overall story of the world. The question then becomes what kind of story do you want to write with your life?

Let's take me, for example. I am thirty and single. Of my close friends I am one of very few that is not married and does not have kids. Both of these are things that I want, but that's not how my story has unfolded. I had all the plans in the world to make these happen, but that's not what happened. For awhile I was sad about this and I would compare my story to everyone else's and think that mine wasn't as good and wasn't as meaningful, but that's just not true. In the last thirty years (almost thirty one!) I have accomplished quite a lot. Rather than sitting around and waiting for my story to get going like everyone else's I have chosen to live my story.

When talking about what I have accomplished in my life with a friend last week, I said simply "well what else have I had to do with my life?" I'll be the first to admit that sometimes I try to rush things along because I do want the husband and the kids, but every little thing that has brought me to this point has mattered. And you know what, I have a GREAT story to tell. I have had amazing experiences with amazing people. Some of the chapters are sad and some are silly, but they all come together to make the book that is me, and I'm not even close to done with that book!

I'm not really sure at what point in life I became such an optimist, it really feels quite odd, but it's kind of becoming true. I think that comes along with being happy in life. Novel concept really. I am in such a good place right now. I haven't accomplished all that I want to accomplish, I still want to get married and have kids, but when I look back I don't feel like any of the time I have not had those things, no matter how long my friends have, I have not wasted any time. My time is extremely valuable to me and I do good things with it. Sure I am an introvert and tend to enjoy weekend nights home by myself, but that's a choice. It's just that I don't want to go out all the time. I love spending time with friends, but I enjoy spending time at home too, it's how I recharge myself to do all the things that I do throughout the week.

At some point in the future (no guesses on specific times) there will probably come a time when I meet someone that I want to settle down with. I look back at who I've date or who I've wanted to date (that's an interesting trip down memory lane!) and realize that if I thought those people were special the person that I actually fall for will be spectacular. The difference between that future relationship and those that I've had in the past will be the sum of all the chapters of life that I've had to this point. I have learned from my mistakes and hopefully will have a nice stable, healthy relationship (I hear that is actually possible!).

In the meantime I'm not going to let my age, location and marital status define who I am. If you don't like that I'm thirty, live in the Bible belt and am not married then frankly I have little use for you in my life. If you don't like that I'm thirty, own my own home, have a Masters and can take care of myself, then I don't have room for you either. I like who I am. I like what I've accomplished. And I like that my story has had highs and lows, I am thankful for each one because they have made me the strong person I am today.

So go out into the world and tell an amazing story with your life. It doesn't have to be over the top, just meaningful to you!

Facebook

I have been a little MIA in a lot of arenas of my life lately, but especially with the blog. I just haven't had anything to say because I haven't been able to get my brain to wrap around a lot of things going on in my life. I won't go there on all the things I am questioning right now, but I do want to take a minute to talk about facebook.

I love facebook, for real, but it frustrates the crap out of me. I am not what one would call a private person, by any stretch of the imagination. Frankly if you will hold still there is a good chance I will tell you my life story, however I think facebook is maybe pushing the realm of privacy. No I'm not talking about the site itself, though plenty of people will argue that the "new" facebook greatly diminishes privacy with that annoying little box in the upper right hand corner. I'm talking about what people post on facebook.

Now I might have a skewed view on this because, seriously, I am friends with EVERYONE on facebook. I do not discriminate. If I know who you are and have talked to you once then I'm all over being friends. I have a few friends that I have made exclusively through facebook (though that is a rarity and only happens in extremely special circumstances). I don't post a whole lot of stuff on facebook. If I have a general gripe or I'm cheering for a certain football team then I post things. I post pictures to share with friends that are not around all the time. For the most part facebook is a huge address book, for lack of a better term. It is how I keep up with birthdays (totally been slacking in that field lately, so if you've had a birthday in the last month here goes: HAPPY BIRTHDAY) and how I keep up with friends from different stages of my life. Just today I had a friend post a comment about the new Footloose movie coming out and how it reminded her of a particular time during high school, she tagged all the people that were a part of that time. It made me smile and nostalgic. This is what I use facebook for. I also use it to keep up with people's growing children, as an easy way to communicate with different groups, and a fast way to send out event invitations.

What I have noticed recently with some of the people that I am "friends" with on facebook (yes I use that term pretty loosely) is that they post EVERYTHING. I'm talking intimate details of their lives. Because of these details drama tends to get started (this is why I do not post much). Things are blown way out of proportion and people's feelings get hurt. People overreact to things that are posted, whether in a way that is meant to be helpful or in a way that is destructive. It is almost as if people are needing an outlet for attention.

On Pinterest (new OBSESSION) I saw this:

I am truly starting to believe this about some people that show up on my newsfeed. Now I realize most of you that read this get click on it through facebook, so you're wondering if I'm talking about you. Odds are pretty good that I'm not, however you might want to take a moment to think about what you post. Unless you only have your immediate family and closest friends on facebook then people probably don't need/want/care to know the intimate details of what is going on. Share the extreme highlights and call it a day.

Like I said I love facebook. I think it is an excellent tool, especially for non profits and small businesses because EVERYONE is on facebook. I love Twitter too. In fact I love Twitter a whole lot more than I love facebook. A blog I follow pretty much nailed it on the head: facebook makes me hate people I used to know and Twitter makes me love people I've never met. Maybe only having 140 characters makes us think about what we really want to say and forces us from putting in all the gory details of our every day lives. Granted on Twitter I suppose your feed could look like this:

Woke up.
Went to the bathroom.
Brushed teeth.
Locked house.
Got in car.

And so on and so forth.

All of this ranting being said think of this as a PSA for the day. The end.

Single

When did this become such a bad word? Why is it that when one is single they get the words "oh well you'll find the right guy at the right time"? What if, this is a crazy thought I might get locked up for, we don't want to get married? What if we don't want to date? What if we make the conscious decision that this is not something that is meant for our life at this point in time and frankly could never be meant for us? Is that wrong?

When I turned thirty at the beginning of the month something inside of me just clicked. No longer did I have the desire to try to play catch up to all the people around this part of the country that seem to think the only way you have value at my highly advanced age if you are married and have children. I have an amazing life. I do a lot of volunteer work, I am finishing my Masters, I have amazing ideas of how to help the world, and yet I spent most of a decade thinking that wasn't good enough. Basically I wasn't good enough for me. And that is stupid. I spent a long time trying to do the things that others in my world were doing, as much as I could without the necessary husband and children, just so I could keep up. Do you know what I realized this week? The ones I was most trying to keep up with were the ones that I disliked the most. Why on earth would I want to be exactly like people that overall I don't even like?

Yeah that was a life changing moment. One of those where you look at your entire life and start thinking about it in the correct perspective. Over the last month I have made some pretty big decisions about my future, following graduation in May. I am really excited about these decisions and plans. What I have found, though, is when I mention that I have big news people automatically assume that it involves dating, engagement, marriage or babies. It doesn't. It has to do with me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to dating, engagements, marriage and babies. They are all fine for other people, but at this point in my life they are things I am completely not interested in. I am swearing off dating until next June (at the earliest). When I say this I don't mean it in the reverse psychology sense of thinking "well if I say I'm not going to date then magically Mr. Right will appear from around the corner while I'm not looking." Oh no, I am so serious about this one that I am looking around every corner, just to make sure someone isn't lurking that could mess with the plans I am making, which I truly believe is the perfect path for me. If I hadn't been through everything that I've been through then I wouldn't be set up so perfectly for this adventure.

Yesterday I was at Borders' closing sale and while looking for the travel section (everything is all consolidated as they have less and less inventory) I happened to find myself in the self help section. Whoever thought of this section I truly think should be shot, as well as most people that write the books that find themselves in this section. A particular book stuck out to me:

Words cannot express how offended I was by this title. For starters it has one of my least favorite words in it: settling. After fifteen years of dating I have learned the most important lesson: DO NOT SETTLE. I have settled, over and over and over again. I have been the girl that looks (and looks and looks) for any guy who will pay the slightest bit of attention to me, which is, settling. When it comes to spending my life with someone under absolutely no circumstance will I settle. Period. I would rather have a full life that involves no husband than settle for someone who is just good enough. Two things stand out in this to me. The first is that the woman who is settling for "good enough" doesn't truly value herself as good enough. The second is that the guy that will allow a girl to settle for him as "good enough" doesn't value himself. I refuse to be with someone who makes me feel less valuable than I am and I refuse to be with someone who does not have high value for himself. Just not happening.

Thankfully in the past when I have started to settle the relationship ended. I totally value those relationships now because they taught me extremely valuable lessons about myself and about who I want to choose to spend the rest of my life with. While I think there is an element of fate to falling in love I also believe that there is an element of choice. We can choose to fall in love with the wrong person, or we can choose to fall in love with the right person at the right time. I don't like using the word "wait" when talking about falling in love. I truly don't feel I am "waiting" for the right guy to come into my life. By waiting I am impatiently looking at some cosmic clock that is ticking away until the alarm goes off. Instead of "waiting" I am living my life, completely to the fullest. Right now living my life involves a large amount of alone time, self reflection, and working on being the best "me" I can be. I do not view this as making myself better for someone else. I see this as improving myself to be who I want to be, not waiting on Mr. Right to come out of the woodwork.

I know how many thousands of conversations I had with my closest friends during my twenties about wanting to know when "he" was going to finally show up. I can honestly say, if "he" doesn't appear I'm going to be okay. Forget that. I'm going to be a whole lot better than okay. My self worth does not come from another person, it comes from inside myself. My confidence does not revolve around who I am in a relationship with or how many children I have. My value does not come from what I have or how I can impress people, it comes from how I choose to live my life and what I do to make this world a better place.

It has taken me a long time to finally grasp this concept and truly understand it and most importantly to believe it. If in the future I meet someone who loves me for exactly who I am then I will consider myself extremely lucky, but at no point in time am I going to sacrifice the person I am to be in a relationship just because the world around me thinks that I should be in a relationship.

I would apologize for this post, just in case it offends any of my MWC (married with children) friends, but this was tweeted this morning and I truly agree with it:

Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. - Benjamin Disraeli

I tend to be a people pleaser and I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Because of this I tend to get my feelings hurt a lot. I want to make everyone else happy and tend to ignore myself and my own feelings. I have finally realized that I cannot be everything that everyone else wants me to be. I cannot be at every football game, every birthday party, every little thing that goes on in other people's lives. I would love to, but I can't and I have finally come to the point that I am okay with that. If these people love me, for who I am, then they understand that I cannot do everything and they shouldn't expect me to.

What I hope people can understand is that not everyone fits into the mold that you may have for your life. I am glad that so many of my friends have children because whenever I need a baby fix I can get one. I also am glad that they have this so that I can see how wonderful my nice, quiet house is. I don't think that anyone has made a wrong decision in their life. The decisions that you make are what is best for you at the time that you make the decision. Just please understand that the decisions that I have made, while they are not the same as yours, are the best decisions for my life. You do not have to understand my life, but please do not down play it because I do not have the same responsibilities you do. Just because I am not in a relationship or have children does not mean that my life is any less important or stressful or busy or fulfilling than yours.
Because I love quotes and I love Sex and the City I leave you with some good ones:

When it comes to relationships, maybe we're all in glass houses, and shouldn't throw stones. Because you can never really know. Some people are settling down, some are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less. Than butterflies...

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

 
And one that I think sums up how I feel about my life and the kind of relationship I want in the future, if it is meant to be:

Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them.

Insanity, Toxicity and Positivity

I kind of think I've been avoiding the blog for the past week. It's funny how life can change in a week, isn't it? Right at a week ago my wonderful best friend and I got a wild hair to take a road trip, which we didn't end up getting to go on, but it put some crazy ideas in my head.

That night through the power of youtube I'm pretty sure I totally lost my mind (if you follow me on twitter you'll understand, if not, oh well :)). Then I heard a song that quite possibly changed my entire life. I know it sounds insane that a song can change your life, but it did (well the combination of the song and a crazy, secret plan that we are working on).

I woke up Friday morning in the BEST mood. It was like a different person waking up. I had made the decision that all the negativity in the world was not going to get to me and everything in my life was going to be positive. I'm about to have a big birthday and the upcoming year is going to be amazing (more on that later). I was on fire that morning. That special song was what woke me up and I was good to go for the day.

I had run through McDonald's to grab some oatmeal and it happened: my car DIED. I mean, a sad, sad death, right at the pick up window. I had to be pushed out of the way. I ended up making it about five more blocks (trying to get to my office) and then it was done. I called Becky bawling. I was so frustrated. I had started the day so positively and was determined to come through on this plan (which is a long term one and something like this happening on day one was not ideal). She, her husband and boys came and rescued me. Daniel looked at the car, Becky calmed me down.

The diagnosis was a bad intake gasket (whatever that is). Becky called and had AutoZone put one on hold for me. We got the car moved to a safer spot. She called her brother to see if he could fix it for me. Overall I am fairly certain I found my guardian angel in Becky. I spent the rest of the afternoon with them.

That afternoon she dropped me off with Haley, where I proceeded to burst out crying again. It seemed like all the insecurity that I tend to harbor came out in a flood of tears. Haley, being as wonderful as she is, told me I was insane for everything I was saying even though I felt like I had plenty of evidence to back up every single thing I was saying.

Haley and I ended up going to the casino with her grandparents, which was a blast. I stayed at Haley's that night (which was already planned, as her roommates were all out of town) and we made CDs and watched Harry Potter 6 (okay we tried to watch it, but both fell asleep). We slept in the next morning and then watched HP6 for real. Then I introduced her to Genghis Grill and we watched another movie and dealt with a police officer over a parking "issue" (that's another story altogether).

She dropped me off at home and I vacuumed the very, very algaed pool (though I did learn that if you play fun music vacuuming the pool is immensely more entertaining and a lot less work). I had another algae issue and thought I would need Banish, so I threw in four bags of shock, and you know what? In two days all the algae was gone, maybe I do know what I'm doing.

I texted Chris that night to see if the youth were still going to swim on Sunday and about my lack of car issue. Again, I cried my eyes out and repeated all the insecurity from the previous day. Again, I was told that I was basically crazy.

The next day Chris picked me up for church. Michelle and the boys took me home. Becky and crew came over to swim and bring my car. Her brother came over and got it almost fixed, just a few more hours needed the next day. I called Haley and had her come get me to get food because I hadn't eaten since breakfast and had nothing in the house.

I had another "test" that night that I'm pretty sure I, again, passed with flying colors. I am still on total track as where I started on Friday morning. I got my car back at lunch on Monday, so I have wheels again.

What I learned from this weekend of tests is that I have the most amazing friends. They are there for me when I need them and sometimes entertain my delusions. They help me when I don't know how to ask for help. I can count at least 10 of these amazing friends. I think I'm lucky for that number. I don't think the rest of the world has that many. Real, honest, true friends that are really going to drop everything to help you when you need help, who will hand you a tissue as you are crying, who will tell you you're crazy when you don't think you're good enough, who will be family when you need one.

While I was thinking about this amazing group I couldn't help but think of another group of friends that I have: the toxic ones. The ones that do not bring out the best in me, the ones that are not there for me when I need them, the ones that I give and give and give to and yet they are not there when I need them and that would never think that they should be: the selfish friends that are more consumed with themselves than they would ever be with anyone else.

Now I said that I am about positivity now, and I am. That last paragraph was kind of negative. I think that it is important to isolate the negative so that it can be vanquished from our lives. I have a tendency to think very negatively, which is something I am consciously trying to change and I can't have negative forces pulling at me. I know there will always be negativity, but if I can intentionally eliminate what I can then that is my choice.

Starting July 21 I am trying my best to be positive and being the best me that I can be. The ways that I am going to accomplish that will come out in due time, but for now, just know if you are a negative force you better buck up and get happy or I have no time for you. :)

Likely to Offend

If you just read the title this blog proceed with caution. If you continue and you are offended by this, frankly I don't want to hear it. This is my blog and my opinion. You do not have to agree with me or the article I will be referencing, but, just as you are, I am entitled to my own opinion, and this is it.

You have been warned.
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Earlier on facebook someone posted that Hugh Hefner died and I wanted to check the validity of this statement. I looked at MSN and then at Yahoo. (He didn't die, by the way.) When I was on Yahoo this headline jumped out at me:

Restaurant bans kids under 6. Discrimination or smart move?

I was beyond intrigued. I am going to paraphrase the article, but if you want to read it then click here. Basically a restaurant in Pennsylvania was receiving a lot of complaints about noisy children disrupting the other customers, thus they decided to make their restaurant not so child friendly. There were A LOT of comments following the article (like 10,000). Clearly I did not read all of them, but I did read a few and most of them agreed with the decision. One person stated something about noisy adults being in bars, but this particular restaurant claimed that it was an "upscale, casual and quiet" restaurant, not your typical rowdy bar.

Here is where many of my readers may be offended. I wholeheartedly think this was a BRILLIANT move. Now, before you get too mad, I don't think ALL restaurants should be like this, but I would not at all be opposed to some here and there. Sure you there are places that are only open to adults 21 and older, but those are also the places that allow you to smoke in the state of Oklahoma. It would be nice to have a place or two where you are guaranteed that you will not have to deal with children, misbehaving or not, and be able to breathe clean air.

There are many reasons why I think this would be a benefit, the obvious one being the distraction, but some people just don't want to be around children, or want to take a break from children, others' or their own.

I am not the type that just adores kids. I know, I know, it may appear as such because I do adore "my" kids. However the difference is that I have an emotional connection to these children. Kids, in general, I do not care for. I don't get all mushy, gushy when I see a baby that I don't know. If I know the child or the parents that is a different story. As I have documented quite a lot lately I want to get married and have kids, however now is not the time, which I am fine with. I have the utmost faith that when the time is right then it will all happen. Right now, though, I don't want to talk about husbands and kids all the time. I seem to get myself around people that can only talk about these two topics. I have a lot of friends and most of them have kids (and quite a few have spouses) and occasionally, even most of the time, we can talk about things that have absolutely nothing to do with their children. Sure I want to hear what the kids have been up to, but I hate when an entire conversation with one or more friends centers around ONLY the trials and tribulations of being married and having kids. Frankly I feel completely left out and it hurts my feelings, A LOT. It makes me feel that I am completely behind the curve because I am lacking both of these. I feel like my life is incomplete because I am missing these supposed key components of life.

I HATE THAT FEELING.

I mentioned something on facebook the other day about looking forward to the day when I do not allow other people to govern my emotions. I'm not there yet. I may never be because I'm human. I had a discussion on Valentine's Day with a friend about relationships and how if you aren't in one at our age it seems as though you are doing something wrong. Both of us are successful, have good jobs, have wonderful goals, are working on our Masters, have great friends and amazing social lives, but society (at least in the Bible Belt) makes you feel like you've screwed something up because you aren't married and procreating. I am not single entirely by choice. I would love to be in a relationship right now, however I am not desperate to be in one. I enjoy not having to answer to someone and getting to be selfish with my time. I know that won't always be the case, but right now it is and I'm enjoying it. When I find a great guy that I'm supposed to be in a (healthy) relationship with then I will be in a relationship, but until then I'm not and that's fine.

I am happy with my life, as I should be. I have accomplished a lot in my life. I have a lot more to accomplish. I fully believe that a husband and kid(s) will play into those accomplishments, but NOT RIGHT NOW. I'm not worried about the future, I know that it will come when it is supposed to.

So married/relationshipped/parent friends, here is a little tidbit from your single friends:

sometimes we don't want to hear a thing about your kid

sometimes we don't want to hear a thing about your spouse/significant other

sometimes we don't want to talk about relationships at all, yours or ours (real or hypothetical)

There are a lot of times that we do want to hear about your kids. There are a lot of times we want to hear about your spouse. We want to hear about these things to prepare ourselves for the future and to have something to look forward to, but not all the time. Please remember that it is really nice to have someone to go home to after a girls' night out and some of us don't have that, so please don't take advantage of it.

So, yes, I would love to have some restaurants where you can go and have an adult meal without dealing with children. There was an awesome episode of Sex and the City that focused on this. It is from Season 6, Episode 9 and is called "A Woman's Right to Shoes." Basic plot is that Carrie goes to a baby shower and has to remove her shoes ($485, of course) and they are stolen. She then realizes exactly how much money she has spent on this friend between bridal showers, wedding, travel to those places, and all the baby showers. Carrie has an awesome quote (which I posted on Valentine's Day and some people were less than impressed with it):

Think about it. If you are single, after graduation there isn't one occasion where people celebrate you ... Hallmark doesn't make a "congratulations, you didn't marry the wrong guy" card. And where's the flatware for going on vacation alone?

Yeah that didn't go over well at all. I deleted some comments on that one. During this episode Samantha is offended by children running around restaurants, but the straw that breaks the camel's back is when a child flings pasta sauce at her and SHE gets kicked out of the restaurant for talking on her cell phone. (There is revenge at the end at Manolo Blahnik when a mom is asked to watch her children so they don't touch the shoes.) The episode closes with this quote:

The fact is, sometimes it's really hard to walk in a single woman's shoes. That's why we need really special ones now and then to make the walk a little more fun

It is hard being single, especially at my advanced age in this area. I know I'm not the only one that feels this way. I am, however, probably the only one that is willing to put it in writing for the whole world to see though. Like I said if you read the whole thing and you are offended now, don't say you weren't warned. I don't need any consolation for my horrible condition of being single. I don't need anyone reminding me that I'll find the right one. I don't need your pity. If you are my friend then I need you to be my friend, take a step back from being a mom or dad, or a husband or a wife, and just be a friend from time to time. Who knows it might be pretty good for you too.

(For the record, this is not aimed at ANYONE in particular. Nothing happened to trigger this, I just saw this article and thought it was brilliant. Also, when the time comes that I am in a relationship again and then have kids I am going to try my hardest to follow my own advice and remember how these things make me feel now, that is why writing it down is a good thing. Oh and I tried to get the clips of Samantha at the restaurant and could not for the life of me find a clip on the internet. Geez I thought EVERYTHING was on the internet.)

Things I Hate Today

• Power outages
• Electric things not working
• iphones
• Apple IDs
• FJ Crusiers
• Algae
• Brushing the pool
• Dust
• Crappy screwdrivers
• Swimming pools

I'm sure there are more, but those are the big ones.

Country Girl, City Girl

I've been hearing fireworks going off the last two nights while I was working on my paper (or chatting on facebook when I was supposed to be working on my paper!). List night I was otherwise entertained, but tonight I finished my paper and had turned on the light in the pool so I decided to go have myself a little float and hope I could see some fireworks.

While I did enjoy floating on the glowing pool and it was quite relaxing I was very disappointed that I couldn't see any fireworks. I could completely relax in the peace and quiet and dark. I am not one of those people that is scared of the dark (if I have a flashlight or cell phone handy), in fact one of the bedrooms in my house has blankets over the windows so I can sleep in total darkness (and some of you have questioned if I use the whole house :)). Though I was disappointed with the lack of fireworks I did enjoy floating. I did notice a few things about my backyard while floating.

Two things that are important to note before I get too far into this story.

First of all, this may come as a shock to many of you, but I grew up in the country. And I mean seriously in the country. We lived thirty miles away from "town" on 120 acres. I grew up running through the pastures all by myself (with no cell phone). There were certainly more four legged creatures in my neighborhood that the two legged variety. This was how I spent the first eighteen years of my life.

Second, from August 2010 through May 2011 I did not stop. I was working full time, going to school full time, volunteering with church and Junior League, a lot, plus trying to have a social life. Naturally I am very introverted (this may come as a shock to many of you as well because I hide it pretty well) and having to be "on" for ten months completely wore me out. I remember when I started my first "big girl" job I would get home and be totally exhausted and that lasted for a few months until I got used to it.

Okay back to the backyard and floating on the glowing pool. Though I have lived in Norman for the last twelve years and quite love it, there are still moments that I have to realize that some things are not okay within city limits. One of these came last year when there was a GIANT snake in my front yard and I wanted to shoot it. Apparently shooting snakes in town is not okay. I mean I guess I understand why, but the only good snake is a dead snake and even that is still questionable to me. I was also surprised to learn that there was a limit on the number of dogs you can have and they all have to be registered. Really? Not to mention you can't have a horse in your backyard! (Unless that horse is disguised as a dog, like Zoe in my backyard!) Obviously you also cannot set off fireworks within the city limits. I really do understand that one because I am terrified of fire and hooligans generally are not all that careful and I don't want my house going up in flames. (Though I wish a deviant or two would have set some big ones off in my neighborhood tonight.)

Tonight's discovery of country versus city is the fact that the sky just doesn't look the same. It was cloudy tonight so that probably had something to do with it, but the sky just isn't as dark and there is always a glow. The stars are farther away. They aren't as bright. Nighttime just isn't the same.

Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely no desire to move anywhere resembling "the country" ever again. I like being five minutes from Walmart, within walking distance of a gas station, having 911 service, the ability to have dinner delivered, and garbage service, but there are some things that you miss out on if you didn't grow up in the country or spend a generous amount of time there.

You might be wondering how I just came to all these conclusions tonight. Like I said in point two I have been really busy the last year. To be honest I haven't spent all that much time outside, unless it involved working on the pool, getting a tan, or tending to the horse.

I am tired. Emotionally trying to be "on" for ten months solid with very little down time has completely drained me. It's not that I don't want to be around my friends, but I just need a break. When the weekend comes around I don't want to entertain, I want to relax, and relaxing to me is being by myself. I like to float on a raft and work on my tan with no noise, without having to carry on a conversation. I like to sit in the whirlpool and read without worrying about someone accidentally letting my dogs out. I am not one that genuinely enjoys entertaining; in fact I quite hate it. I can never relax when people are at my house. I love my friends, but right now, I really love just being by myself.

I just finished reading a very good book called Soft Spots by Clint Van Winkle. It was for my post traumatic stress class, but I really enjoyed reading it (and luckily it was a quick read because I had five days to read it before the paper was due!). One of the things the author mentioned was about their unit's preparation for Iraq. The commanding officer kept them very busy. The author said "He must've known that boredom brings problems, allows too much time to think. So, besides preparing us for war, was he also protecting our minds? Keeping us sharp and focused by not allowing us to think too much about what was going to happen once we made it into Iraq?"

That concept really hit me (probably because someone once asked me my motives for being so busy and alluded to this very idea). I got to wondering if I really was keeping myself to keep myself from worrying about other things, namely the fact that I am nowhere near I thought I would be at this age. There are more times than I care to admit that it is really hard being involved in the things I am involved with because I am not where I thought I would be and where a lot of people think I should be. I can relate to these people, however a lot of times frankly I don't want to. It feels that if I was doing all these things and keeping myself so busy then I could justify the fact that I am not married and don't have children. Where I live I am about eight years behind. In the good ol' Bible Belt it seems as though everyone (or at least an overwhelming majority) gets married the moment they walk across the stage from their college graduation, if not earlier. There were so many negative feelings around me that it made me feel like my life was meaningless because I'm not married and don't have children.

Yeah, I just went there. I know my friends love me, of that I have no doubt. I know my life is meaningful and I am doing amazing things and will continue to do amazing things, but there is a stigma around here that you can't possibly understand anything if you aren't a wife and mom. To be honest I'm sick of that.

I am almost thirty and I'm not married and I don't have kids. And you know what? That's okay. I love my life and where I'm at. I love who I am and who I'm becoming. I love where I've come from. I have finally accepted that I am not going to be able to make everyone happy. I cannot please everyone. People are going to judge me for what I do whether I go out or I stay in. People are not going to like the decisions I make with my life.

All that matters though is that I like what I'm doing. And I do. I like where my life is going. I have the utmost faith that all the things that I want out of my life will happen, at the time they are supposed to. Until then all I can do is live my life the way that I see best fits me. For now that is taking some much needed "me" time and floating in my pool, all by myself, on the weekends.

There will come a time when I want to open up, both the pool and my heart, and I'm willing to allow that to happen, but I'm not pushing it. I don't need to go out searching for something that I know will come to me at the exact correct moment and not a minute sooner. All I am asking for, from the people in my life, is for you to accept me for who I am. Please don't try to change me. Please allow me to make my own mistakes. I'm going to make some mistakes, we all do, but I firmly believe each of those mistakes holds a lesson, no matter how small.

I am really excited for what is coming up in my life because I know it is going to be big. That is part of why I am taking a little breather to regroup. I am going to need a lot of energy for the next phase because it is going to be amazing.

Grammar

I am not a grammar expert, however I know BAD grammar when I see it. My friend Adrienne is lovingly known as the Grammar Police. Plus she hates cutsie words like hubby and preggo (reasons that she is one of my favorites).

I hate when I see people type on facebook, or an email, or a text in just horrible grammar, or using abbreviations for every word. Does it really take that much longer to type "your" as it is to type "ur"? Really? Now I use bc instead of because or btw and omg (those are more because they are fun to say with lots of emphasis) so I am by no stretch of the way perfect. And I am not perfect with my its versus it's on texting, but if I have a real keyboard in front of me you better believe it will be right.

I just think that it makes you look completely unintelligent when you either use horrible grammar or abbreviate everything.

Okay, stepping down from the soapbox and going to bed...

Oh, and spell check your blogs! That is all (this is not aimed at anyone I follow, but when randomly surfing through blogs looking for new ones to follow I have seen A LOT of misspelled words).

(If there are any grammatical errors in this I'm sorry, it has been a long day and I'm sleepy!)

Fairytales and AshleyMadison.com

I think I have become jaded on relationships lately. At this point in my life I don’t want to be in one. I’m pretty sure this is exactly opposite of what any 29 year old woman should be thinking, but it is really true.

This is not to say that I don’t want a relationship EVER, just not right now.

For one I don’t have time for one. I am working full time, going to grad school full time, am really active at church and am really active with the Junior League of Norman. Not to mention I have amazing friends that are all fighting for my time and I have adorable children in my life that I enjoy actually getting to see at times besides births and birthday parties. Then there is always the pool drama that has started this week.

Another reason is that I don’t really care to make any effort to look for one. I know, I know, when you stop looking that’s when it happens and certainly that has happened for me in the past, but I mean seriously. I have friends that are on eharmony, match.com, okcupid and other dating websites. I have a twofold reason for being anti-online dating. The first is very simply I like stories and I want to have a good story and I do not want to explain to my grandchildren that I met grandpa online. Just not my thing. I have friends who tell me that it is socially acceptable now, well I don’t care, it is not acceptable for me. Now, stepping down from that soapbox, another reason for not wanting to look is simply that love is never sitting around waiting to be found, it finds us, so the way I look at it, why break my back going out to bars or wherever when very simply I’m going to meet Mr. Perfect at Borders or Panera or at some non profit event? I also don’t want to go around looking for love because then I would have to give up something in my life and frankly I really like how my life is right now and I’m not willing to budge!

I also HATE dating. I mean I really, really hate it. Love being in a relationship; hate “dating.” There are always those questions of “is he seeing someone else?” “does he like me better than everyone else?” “are we taking things too fast?” “are we taking things too slow?” Just too many questions. Don’t get me wrong I love the new feelings and the first kisses and all of that mess, but in the end I like knowing what I’m getting myself into and I don’t like taking risks.

Probably the most prevalent reason for my lack of desire to “couple” is that I’m not sure that I believe that relationships can really work anymore. This is such a sad thing to say. It’s a battle between my brain, which says relationships are just doomed to fail, and my heart, which believes that it will all work out just the way it was meant to be. I am a hopeless romantic, I really, really am, and as much as I preach against it I do think there is one person out there for everyone and the stars will align just right at just the right time and everything will fall into place and we’ll live happily ever after. (I try to ignore this annoying thought as much as possible though.) We grow up having the idea of the fairytale pounded into us, especially as girls, and there is something about that which makes me sad. I don’t really think everyone gets the fairytale (though my gut feeling is that after all is said and I done I will end up with the fairytale, call me a pessimistic optimist). However, in the last few weeks I have learned information about some friends that are in seemingly happy marriages. These are really good guys, if they are doing what they are doing then what about the rest of the world? I am really wondering what our society has come to.

There are certain actions that I have been thinking about lately.

The first is cheating.

What exactly constitutes cheating and an affair? Does it have to be having sex with someone else? Could it just be a kiss? What about having an emotional relationship with someone that you’ve never seen in person, but you share more with them than with your significant other? Infidelity has been around as long as the world has (don’t think that “thou shalt not commit adultery” commandment wasn’t put there for a reason).

I remember the old days (well not really, but follow along) when to have an affair you would call home and say you were working late and then go to the bar to pick someone up. Sneaking around to seedy motel rooms during lunch breaks. Having your buddies cover for you when your spouse asks where you were. Ah the good old days. At least it was a little bit easier to get caught by a paper trail back then. Then came the technology age: chat rooms (if they still exist), instant messenger, and social networking websites. Again, you’re leaving a trail, your spouse can check your history on the computer.

But now we have computers in our pockets: smart phones with text messaging and Internet. Before someone could look at a phone bill and notice unusual calls, but now it takes an act of Congress to get a hold of text message content (but it can be done for any would be cheaters reading this) and I don’t know if you can get a record of specific Internet usage on a phone. Not to mention we always have our phones with us, it is rare (shut up Kristin and Travis) for me to go anywhere without my phone and I know I’m not the only one. All of these allow for an individual to cheat pretty easily.

This brings me to the article that got me so riled up. I was on Yahoo checking my email last week and found an interesting article. Basically a man and woman went undercover for Redbook magazine to a website, ashleymadison.com, which at the time I had never heard of. If you have not heard of this let me give you a few tidbits as to what this website is for. In a lot of ways it is a dating website, like eharmony or match, however this particular site is geared to individuals that are in relationships. Their slogan is: Life is Short. Have an Affair. An entire website that is devoted to encouraging and facilitating affairs. Are you kidding me? The creator of the website said that the whole point of this is to help people “hook up” meaning no strings attached sex. The problem is that it didn’t stop with sex. Not saying that sex with someone that is not your spouse or significant other isn’t bad enough, but what the undercover reporter found is that so many of the men she went out with were looking for emotional connections that they weren’t getting at home. Who’s to blame? The woman because she isn’t giving the man what he needs? The man because he’s not giving the woman what she needs?

I don't really understand cheating. I have heard that people don't want to hurt their partner or their children. In my humble opinion the psychological ramifications of being cheated on is much worse than a break up on a significant other. When it comes to children, what exactly is cheating teaching them? (Note: the following scenario is if the male is cheating on the female, I realize it could go the other way as well) If you get caught, and let's be honest, the truth always comes out, if you have daughters you are teaching them that they should put up with someone cheating on them and how would you feel if someone did this to your daughter? If you have sons then you are teaching them that it is okay to treat others this way. Neither one is great.

This was a quote from Hot In Cleveland which was on again last night:

"This is why the Internet was invented: for men to find pictures of naked celebrities and women to cyberstalk the men they trust."

When you are someone who has been cheated on it is really hard to ever trust again. As far back as high school I can remember boyfriends cheating. Of course there is the “we weren’t really together” excuse that makes it okay, but it’s not. As we press onto new relationships, is it wrong to check up on the person you are dating/engaged to/married to? What if they never cheat and yet you still check up on them? Does that put you in the wrong? What gives you any reason to trust them? When you have been burned over and over giving that trust away gets really hard. Or, worse yet, it is really easy to give away. You get to a point when you just think, well maybe this one will not disappointment me, I’ll take that risk. In my experience every time they end up being just like the last one and the one before that.


Another major concern that has come to light in the last six months or so is that of domestic violence. Last semester in my Current Problems class one of our groups presented on this topic. It scares me to death that a lot of individuals that hurt their spouse never showed any indication of any type of violence when they were dating. That is terrifying! We also see domestic violence all over the place. Who hasn’t heard of the Rihanna/Chris Brown relationship? How many of us blew it off? I know I did, clearly she was just making too big of a deal about it. Then there is the song by Rihanna and Eminem.

“You ever love somebody so much You can barely breathe When you're with them You meet And neither one of you Even know what hit 'em Got that warm fuzzy feeling Yeah them chills Used to get 'em Now you're getting sick Of looking at 'em You swore you've never hit 'em Never do nothing to hurt 'em Now you're in each other's face Spewing venom And these words When you spit 'em You push Pull each other's hair Scratch, claw, bit 'em Throw 'em down Pin 'em So lost in the moments When you're in 'em It's the rage that took over It controls you both So they say it's best To go your separate ways Guess that they don't know ya Cause today That was yesterday Yesterday is over It's a different day Sound like broken records Playin' over But you promised her Next time you'll show restraint You don't get another chance Life is no Nintendo game But you lied again Now you get to watch her leave Out the window Guess that's why they call it window pane”

Maybe this is an attempt to make domestic violence more talked about, or maybe it’s glorifying it. Regardless the thoughts are there. I don’t have any personal experience on this one (another scary thought), so I can’t go into a huge rant on it, but it is still something to worry about.

Then there is probably my biggest concern: codependency. Because of a whole lot of reasons that I’m not going into here I have a lot of codependency issues. I am lucky that I am recognizing it earlier and earlier now. I know a lot of great people that are going to get themselves into really bad relationships because they want to fix someone. It is easy to say that you’re going to love someone exactly the way they are, but frankly, at least for me, that’s really hard.

I agree with this quote by Anne Frank:

“Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart.”

I very much believe in people. I believe that people are going to do the right thing. I believe that people can do anything they put their minds to. And I believe that they will, eventually, put their minds to it.

This is a problem. I get hurt because of this. I have many, many, many examples, both in romantic relationships and in other relationships. In Eat, Pray, Love Elizabeth Gilbert wrote:

“I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.”

Oh my, oh my, oh my does that sum me up. It scares me that every time I am even remotely interested in someone. I ask myself, what if I do it again.

Actually, I don’t ask myself that, which is the problem. After I get out of the relationship I realize that I did it again. When I am in the throws of “in love” or even “in like” I walk blindly in ignoring all signs that the person could be a cheater, a beater or a project.

So is my picker broken? Do I have a bad judge of character? Or are all of these bad relationships just leading me up to one great one?

The romantic in me believes the last one. I learn something from everyone that I encounter in some sort of serious way. It might be a quality that I like and will look for again, or it might be a huge warning sign that tells me to run away scream.

In the end I want a fairytale. I don’t know when that fairytale will happen, but I truly believe it will. I pray that there is one person out there that will not disappointment me in all the ways that I have mentioned. This is not to say that he won’t disappointment me somehow and I won't disappoint him, I mean we are all human.

I will end this rambling rant with one more quote, from Sam Keen:

"Love isn't finding a perfect person. It's seeing an imperfect person perfectly."

(So long as that imperfection isn't infidelity or violence!)

Thirty in Thirty: Eight

Happy is the man who has broken the chains which hurt the mind, and has given up worrying once and for all. ~Ovid


I think I have to get a blog out before I can write a good paper. It's like my warm up writing.

Okay day eight is not going to be my favorite and it's going to be really vague. To protect the guilty I guess.

This person taught me a lot in the short time that I knew her. First off, she was perfect. Believe me, perfect. Just ask her. We got along, and by got along I mean we were the definition of "frienemies." I don't think I understood that word until I encountered this person.

My perception of this person was that she thought EVERYTHING I did was wrong. The funny thing is that everything that has happened, which did not mirror her life, happened just as it needed to for me. And I think those last two words of the sentence are the most important: for me. Her life has gone perfect for her. I'm sure there have been obstacles that she has had to face, but she doesn't talk about them nearly as much as I do. Granted I talk, a lot. I don't mind sharing my story. I hope that my story will give others in similar situations hope. Or if nothing else it will entertain them.

In the last year my life has gone in many different directions. I am back in school (who'da thought?), I went out a lot (I thought I had given up going out sometime around age 24), I have made friends with some interesting characters (now that one's not all that surprising). I don't see anything that I've done as wrong...for me. Some of the decisions might not be right to someone else, but ultimately I'm the one that has to answer to God and answer to myself, not them.

When mentioning things that I have done (none of which have been that bad!) I got many, many "looks" from this person. It seemed that nothing I did was right. I am a people pleaser and this really bothered me for a long time. Why did she not like me? Why did she judge what I did? I just didn't get it. I spent a long time talking to a friend one night and he brought up the point that maybe it wasn't judgement, maybe instead there was an element of jealousy or "what if?" and I was perceiving it as judgement. This really got me to thinking: people are only mean to me because they are jealous of me! Maybe that's not the only reason, but, frankly, I do have a lot going for me, I really do. At the same time the road to get here has not always been smooth, flat, sunny and cheerful. I wouldn't have it any other way though. I may not be married and have two perfect children in a perfect house, but I am furthering my education in a hope that I can go out and make a huge impact in the world. I want to help people, not just myself, as many people as I can. Odds are good that I'm not going to make a million dollars doing what I want to do, but at the end of the day I think truly loving what you do and knowing that you are making a difference are worth so much more than money can buy.

There were several times that this person would get just angry over things that I did. I, on the other hand, just went with it. It was honestly kind of funny to watch her get worked up. What I realized was this: when she got upset the only person who was miserable and upset over her being upset was her! My youth pastor in high school was known for this phrase:

"When someone spits on you does he make you mad? Nope, he just makes you wet. You make the choice to be mad."

I have thought this phrase a lot over the last year. When I get upset who does it hurt? Me. That's really about it. Sure I have friends that care, but the reality of the situation is that if I let someone get to me, it hurts me, not them. I had to take this attitude with this particular person. Oh there were times I was SO mad, but I just had to keep reminding myself that if she didn't care about hurting my feelings then she wasn't worth me being upset over.

I hope that I brought something positive to her life as well, because she certainly taught me things about my life. I learned that it's okay that I don't have a picture perfect life. It's okay that my life has not taken the same path as many of my friends. It's okay that I didn't meet my future husband in high school or college or fresh out of college. It's okay that I'm 29 and not married yet.

I have learned that I have had a huge blessing placed in my life. I was blessed to be in several unhealthy relationships and I was blessed to get out of them. My partners were blessed to get away from me as well, because it is rare that a relationship is only bad on one side.

I have also learned that people will judge you. People will not agree with what you do with your life. People will not agree with the path that God leads you on. People will think they are better than you. If you go through life believing them then you are missing out. Each of us was given a very distinct and perfect path in God's perfect timing and we should accept our own path and that others will go in a different way and that's okay.

If I could go back and have the life that this person has, as perfect as it appears to be on the outside, would I do it? Probably a year ago I would have said yes. She had everything that I thought I wanted. Note that word: wanted. Not what I needed. I have needed every heartache to get me to where I am. I thought, for a long time, that I just wanted to be a wife and mother, which for many people is a very admirable thing to do (not knocking any stay at home moms that I know and love), but for me it wouldn't be enough. I know that know. A year ago I didn't know that. Six months ago I didn't know that. Heck I don't know that I knew that a month ago. I was going about my Masters trying to find a career that I could do and stay at home at the same time. This semester I have learned that that I won't be fulfilled doing that. I have entirely too much to offer to the world to hold back. I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to do (though I have a pretty good idea). I pray that I take advantage of every opportunity I am given. I know there is going to be a moment in the future (maybe it will be soon, maybe it will be a long time from now) that will test me. I will have to make a choice between the easy out, that is totally acceptable, and something that will be challenge me and might be really hard. I don't know what that's going to be and to be honest I'm terrified.

I know when the time comes I will step up to the challenge.

And I know that challenge will change the world.

I realize I sound crazy, but if you've heard about any of my "feelings" then you won't question it. Mark my words, I will change the world. :)

Children

Everyone deserves respect, no matter their age. However, their age does not mean that they deserve more respect than someone else. In my book their actions determine the amount of respect they deserve.

In the last three days I have experienced two situations where I do not feel that the adult respected the child. One was a mother and daughter. The other was a woman and a little boy she had never met.

I was getting my nails done and there was a mom and her adorable little girl. The little girl couldn't have been more than four. Both had just gotten manicures and pedicures. The little girl came to the drying table and wanted to read a magazine, because that's what the "big" girls were doing. I don't know if the mom was tired, or annoyed, or just kind of a pain, but when the little girl tried to get a magazine the mom yelled at her and said she couldn't read and she didn't need a magazine. The little girl got sad because Mom yelled at her. I felt so bad!

The other example was the other night. There was a little boy that asked for something and a lady who was helping him. Apparently, to her, he did not ask for what he wanted in a proper way. She proceeded to make him ask for it properly. The poor kid just shut down. He went from his eyes being lit up and enjoying the activity to a head down and barely speaking.

We don't know the whole story behind either of these children. What I would like to mention is this: everyone deserves respect, initially. I don't think there is anyone that we come in contact with that we shouldn't respect, I don't care if they are five or ninety-five. You have the choice whether you want to keep my respect. It drives me crazy when I see adults patronizing children. That is the fastest way for an adult to instantly lose my respect. In my work with children through the years I have found that, general rule, if you treat a child like a little person, not like a baby, you are going to get a better response out of them. Kids like when adults respect them, and they deserve that respect. There are, of course, times that kids don't deserve respect, but the same goes for adults, teens, and so on.

I grew up in a world where I was not treated as a "child." I was around adults my entire life. I was not the kid that couldn't handle being in an adult situation. I truly feel this is because the adults in my life did not talk down to me. I have taken this and it is how I deal with kids now. Frankly there are some kids that I know that are A LOT more mature than some adults I know.

This was totally a rant. I admit that. Stepping down from my soapbox now. :)

The OU Undergrad Female Uniform

So I am at Panera for lunch yesterday and in front of me in line are two college girls. They both had long, brown, straight hair; the same length. They each had on denim leggings and tan UGGs. They both had on black fleece jackets (one was Columbia and one was NorthFace…BIG difference). They each pulled out from their matching designer purses a Tory Burch wallet. They proceeded to complain about how someone had said that they had the same wallet. Now to the untrained eye they appeared to be IDENTICAL. Okay let’s be realistic they WERE identical, or I couldn’t tell the difference between the two and I know the difference between magenta and fuchsia, lemon and canary, eggshell and ecru, and I couldn’t see a bit of difference. Not to mention, why did they care if they were the same wallet? They had on matching uniforms!


This got me thinking about exactly how much they were wearing. I didn’t pay attention to jewelry and this is just face value, what I looked up and found quickly on the company website, but here you go:

Louis Vuitton Shoulder Bag: $785

Tory Burch Wallet: $225



UGG Boots: $140



“Jeggings” (Gap): $69.50

NorthFace Jacket: $165

DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!!!




Grand total: $1384.50


ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????

I am a spoiled brat. I live in a large home, with a pool, by myself and two purebred dogs. I have nice things and I find this RIDICULOUS! I swear kids have gotten more and more spoiled as the years have gone by. This was not the norm when I was a freshman in college. Now it seems if you don’t have at least one Coach bag you are not normal. I find bags that I like and by spending less I can have more! The same goes for shoes. I have tons, but most of them are not name brands. I am proud of my $15 plum stilettos from Ross that are SO cute! I guess we each put value on different things because I do have plenty of fine jewelry!

This did get me thinking about kids and parents these day. I think there are a lot of parents that throw things at their kids so that they don’t want anything. I think this causes kids to not be totally appreciative of those material items. Is this wrong? I don’t know. I pray I don’t raise my children in this way.

To put this in perspective I was at a Junior League Kids in the Kitchen event Thursday night. We did a class with the kids involved in a CCFI (Center for Children and Families, Inc.) after school program about good nutrition and exercise. There was one little girl that didn’t have shoes on. There is the possibility that she just forgot them. There is also the possibility that she didn’t have any.

This is the sad world that we live in. I think we get so wrapped up in our own little bubbles of life that we forget about what is going on in the rest of the world. In Cleveland in the last week or so four children died. These are headlines that you read in the newspaper or see on the news. We need to remember that there are many in our world that are much less fortunate than us.

Because of where I have worked for the last six years I have gotten to interact with some of the more less fortunate of our community. I came into this job as a 23 year old that knew everything and was better than all of my clients. It took a couple of years before the clients changed my life. Yes, the clients changed me. I pray that in some circumstances that I changed their lives as well, but I am very grateful for the impact that their stories have had on my life.

One of these days I’ll talk about what I want to do with my life and why, but that’s not a story for today. Instead I hope you all take this from this blog entry:

You are very lucky. If you are reading this you have access to a computer, more than likely at your home, or even better: Internet on your phone. You have electricity. You have a roof over your head. More than likely you didn’t really have to think about how you were going to eat tonight. There are people around you that had to worry about some or all of these things. The next time you are DYING for that new pair of $100+ boots why don’t you think about buying something a little cheaper and using the rest of the money to help someone else. Go out into your community and volunteer at a soup kitchen, or with the homeless, or with underprivileged children. It may be a few hours of your time, but the feeling that you have when you’re done is more than worth your time!

Election Day 2010: Exercising My Right to Complain

I vote. I voted today. I believe in voting. I have a political science degree, of course I vote!

While I am excited that so many of the "facebook" generation expressed their plan to vote I got a wee bit annoyed by all the posts about voting! It is great that so many went out an voted, but where was all of this during the primaries? What about the Norman mayoral elections in March? Where was everyone and their pro-vote stance then? I hope that everyone keeps the pro-vote attitude from now on.

This year I celebrated my twentieth year "in the political arena," so to speak. When I was nine I hit the campaign trail for my local state representative. I did this every two years as long as he ran. My freshman and sophomore year of high school I served as a page at the State House of Representatives. When I was 16 I campaigned for the District Attorney (who I also babysat for) and for a local Senator (who was one of my high school teacher and whose wife was one of my elementary school teachers). I have always been politically aware. This election also celebrated my tenth anniversary of "big" elections. My first presidential election to vote in was 2000 and what a doozy that one was!

A note about elections and campaigning: I HATE DIRTY CAMPAIGNING! From the gubernatorial campaign in Oklahoma that made national news to my local state representative race where I got more negative campaign material about the opponent than I did of positive information. I learned when I was little that if you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all...I think there are some political candidates that need to re-learn this idea. When I hear someone campaigning negatively about their opponent it just makes me wonder what exactly they are hiding.

If you don't like how the country is going then go vote. Educate yourself on the candidates and the state questions. When you walk into that voting booth know what you believe and who will be most in line with this. We are very lucky to live in a country where we can have a part in the decision making process for our leadership.

If you don't vote then don't think you have any right to complain about the decisions that are made in our country.

I Hate the Ice Cream Truck

Really, I do. My coworkers got to hear this today.

The ice cream truck "Summer Song" or something like that goes through my neighborhood ALL THE TIME! I hate everything about it! The truck is icky looking and should be prettier if children are going up to it, it just looks dirty. The guys in the truck are usually equally as creepy. And don't even get me started on the song! I HATE THAT SONG! It is possibly the most annoying thing in the entire world!

I have posted some serious stuff lately so I thought I'd lighten it up a bit with a silly rant. If you are an ice cream truck driver, love an ice cream truck driver, or just love the ice cream truck, I'm sorry this offended you, but no one has ever said I'm not honest! :)

Friends and a Funeral

Today was Katie's funeral. I saw a lot of friends that I haven't seen in a really, really long time, which was good. The service was very sad (I will touch on this more later). I held it together except for two instances: when the pastor talked to Katie's little girl, Lexie, about how much her mom loved her and would always be with her, and when Crystal and I hugged Stan and he called us "his girls." Yeah that was hard. Overall it was a very nice service, beautiful music, a nice slide show and a nice sermon.

It was great to see everyone and we had fun laughing and telling stories about the "good old days". A lot of those stories ended up with us telling about being drunk in high school and Kiesha's name kept coming up...hmmmm :) Lunch was great: smiling, laughing, babies. We took a group photo at the end.

Kiesha's husband, Nick, also took pictures and one of the girls asked him to tell us when we were supposed to suck in, so he kept saying "start sucking it" which cracked us up and lead to this photo:

And I think that's exactly what Katie would have wanted!

Katie's dad was our high school band director. We all loved Stan, Mr. Stevenson, or Papa Stan, whatever you called him. Without realizing it on my way home I put in the Glee soundtrack: Journey to Regionals. During last season's finale the kids go to regionals and then think that the Glee club is going to be disbanded. They put together a song to tell Mr. Shue how they felt about him. This song came on and it immediately reminded me of how we all felt and still feel about Stan, how he influenced each of our lives and how all the memories from that point in time are some of all of our fondest. This one is for you Papa Stan!



Now, here is my opinion on funerals. The best funeral I ever went to was for my mom's uncle. At this service the instructions were to have everyone get up and tell stories, which they did, including, but' not limited to, his wife and his EX wife. It was awesome. I also like the idea of Jim Henson's funeral: people were to dress in Kermit green or Big Bird yellow. No disrespect to any funeral I have attended, or will attend, but this is what I want, so mark it down, if something happens to me here is what to do to keep me from haunting you! (this shouldn't surprise anyone that I've thought about this, I plan EVERYTHING!)

• Laughter, and a lot of it (I'm really funny, even though part of it is laughing AT me)
• I want a sermon, yes, my faith is very important to me, but I want people to get up and tell stories, funny stories, some I might kill people for telling (ie. "paws here" and anything related to the pool this summer!)
• I want everyone to wear either fun colors or all little black dresses (well except the guys) which has nothing to do with mourning and everything to do with the fact that I presently own 7 which I rotate and they are my favorite things (google Coco Chanel for why)
• Two songs: I can only Imagine by MercyMe and Imagine by John Lennon (theme??? of course)
• I want my friends to sing (my friends are entirely too talented to not be showcased!)
• I want a pastor that really knows me (this shouldn't be all that hard to find)
• Spend as little money as possible on a casket, I'm not going to see it, and I don't care!
• Don't waste money on flowers, they die, thus I find them pointless (and again, I won't be able to enjoy them, and this is about me, right?) Instead donate to the non profit that I'm going to start when I finish my Masters (If flowers are a must, then lilies, they are my favorite)
• Slide show, a long one, I want everyone that has been important in my life represented, and I mean that, everyone

This list is subject to additions, which I'm sure I will have, but it's a start! I want everyone to leave smiling and laughing and remembering the good times (because there have been a whole lot, and there are a lot more to come) and I want to smile down on everyone knowing that I touched people's lives. I want to be remembered that way.

All in all, I know this has been a morbid post, but it's true and being the planner that I am, this shouldn't surprise any of you. I also want A LOT of people there! I hope that happens! I have 825ish friends on facebook (all of which I actually know) and that's not nearly all the people I know. So you better all be there! I have seen a quote that goes something like this:

When you were born you were crying and the whole world was smiling; live your life so that when you die you are the one smiling and everyone else is crying! (except I want laughter, but you get the idea!)

Wit's End...

...that is about how I am starting to feel about this pool. Yes I know that to the untrained pool expert you would think that it is time to close the pool. Well I am hosting CrossTimbers Youth Group next Sunday and we are swimming! Plus it's Oklahoma and it could be 100 a few more days before it starts to freeze. My buddies at Thompson Pool and Patio told me not to close it until Octoberish and when it is 70 on a regular basis.

Onto the drama!

It all started last week when we had a little rain, which of course, by "a little" I mean torrential downpour for like 4 days. There was the chair in the pool on Wednesday:

I would, however, like you to notice that this chair is at the bottom of the pool and you can see it. Thursday it poured all day again, not exactly ideal weather for keeping the pool pretty. Friday at lunch I noticed that there were a lot of leaves from the rain, so I start in raking them out with the leaf net, to keep me from having to vacuum so many leaves. I get home Friday after work and the pool is starting to get REALLY cloudy. I jump in my car (it is 5:30, Thompson's closes at 6:00) and drive to get PolySheen (clarifier). I get back home and start in on vacuuming. There are a lot of leaves, so I have to clean out the basket. I get about half of the shallow end done and move onto the deep end. Vacuum is sucking (in a good way) quite well until it stops sucking all together (in a bad way). I expect to have a ton of leaves in the basket of the pump, but there were none. Odd... I backwash, nothing. I rinse, nothing. I filter, nothing. I recirculate, nothing. ARG!!! I finally give up for the night and go to the Norman North/Norman High football game (which is another blog post all together).

Saturday morning, which we will not discuss the beginning of this morning, I get into my game day clothes (BOOMER SOONER!) and head to Thompson's, with this really frustrated look on my face. Zac sees my pitifulness and we talk through all that I did (twice in some cases!) and finally both decide I have a clog. Grrrrrrrrreat. He sends me home with a snake, after explaining how to use it of course. I get home, change into "work on the pool" clothes. I drop the snake in the skimmer. Nothing. I try this a few times and then decide that I'm going to try it at the pump and go backwards. DING! DING! DING! It takes very little time before I hit the blockage. I try a few times and the poor little snake is just not doing the job.

Before I left Thompson's that morning Zac told me to call if I had problems. well, if you know me, you know that I don't always handle frustration with the utmost calmness. So after throwing a few things, screaming and maybe some crying I throw on a dress and head back to Thompson's. Zac meets me in the parking lot (where he had been walking about a customer) and with this wonderful, positive smile asks if I got it. While I appreciate his confidence in my abilities, I was slightly frustrated at this point. I go through my story of what had happened, explain where the clog is, and explain how I almost took a hammer to the plumbing of the pool. Again, with calmness, he explains that you can simply unscrew the top of the valve (where the clog was) and remove the leaves.

See the silver screws? Well I didn't when I was ready to sledgehammer it!

Finally my favorite, sympathetic pool expert offers to swing by and help with it! Yay! I was ordered to have fun tailgating. Zac comes by a little later and we get the clog out, no problem. Pool is up and running again!

I proceed to sleep most of the day Sunday and then Monday I vacuum it. I end up with two more clogs, but I am totally an expert at removing (as annoying as it is) the valve. I get it all vacuumed. It is still cloudy. Arg! Tuesday I go in and get some copper algaecide, which I dump in Tuesday evening, along with four bags of shock, at the prescription of Mike. I was also told to backwash in 48 hours, then backwash in another 48 hours, but if the pressure changes to backwash as necessary. I backwash Tuesday (and bake cookies). I backwash Wednesday. I backwash Thursday. I still have a green cloudy pool. Next trip to Thompson's (in a little black dress and stilettos :) and with a TON of homemade cookies in hand) I get a bucket of shock (8 bags worth). After my horrible adventure to Ardmore I come home and dump it in. Friday, still cloudy, still green.

I have also been brushing the pool. I really hate brushing the pool. No I mean I REALLY hate brushing the pool. I am doing it because they tell me to, but geez I hate it. Plus it is hard to do because you can't see what you're brushing. Friday night I was just about at my wit's end. I don't know if it's really getting better or if it's wishful thinking, but I do think it is getting a little better.

Here is where we sit today, after backwashing and brushing:

It is getting bluer, though still pretty cloudy. I have a bit more visibility. We shall see. It's game day though, so I am off to cheer on my Sooners! Tonight I am spending an exciting evening writing a paper about conflict resolution. Maybe I'll discuss my conflict with my pool...


PS
I find it really funny that most of the words dealing with the pool are not in the blogspot spell check...

Saturday Mornings

In my child free world (and I'm praying in the world that someday involves children) Saturdays are meant for sleeping in. Last Saturday I got text messages from people at 8:17 am and 8:49 am. Unless someone is dead I DO NOT care about what is going on until at least after 10 (which I still count to be early). I was able to go back to sleep, but still... Today the text came at 10:37 am. Unfortunately (for me) I was up at 10 today. Nonetheless I hate when people text or call early (which, yes, in my world is not all that early). I love these early birds dearly, but it can wait! Promise! Did I mention this is my last free day until mid December??? Okay that was a rant. So sorry. :)