Thirty Days: Day 30

three good things that have happened in the past 30 days

I am done with school for the semester!

More specifically I have completed 24 out of 36 hours and only lack 2 classes and 450 hours of internship to be done with my Masters!

I have NOT opened the pool, but it is getting there

I got really close, but then the liner ripped. That was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, however we have scraped up the money and just ordered the liner. The pool will only be closed one extra weekend from last year (by the time it is actually hot enough to swim) and it will be in much better condition (ex. no diving to patch holes this year!).

I think I may have finally gotten over a certain "crutch" from my past.

After talking and talking and talking I finally really truly realized the meaning of this Albert Einstein quote:

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

As much as I would like things to change, they won't. People only change when they want to and if they don't want to we can't do anything about it. That is hard to accept, especially when you want the best for the people around you. In the end I don't think I had really learned that lesson until last weekend. I finally read some literature that I was trying to explain to someone and realized I was doing exactly what I was telling them not to do. And I stopped. Right then and there. I just couldn't do it any more. It was very freeing to be quite honest and I know it is what's best for me. I'm very thankful for that experience because I (hope) think it is what I needed to move away from that way of thinking once and for all.

Thirty Days: Day 29

a photo of something that means a lot to you

Yes that is a photo of my childhood blanket and stuffed animal. Even with all the nice and meaningful jewelry and other stuff that I have these two reign supreme in importance.

The blanket is affectionately named Doggie Blanket. I don't really remember when I got it, but I know it was a Christmas gift from my grandmother (dad's mom). However it was not a gift to me, it was for my mom. At some point I swiped it and it has been one of my go to comfort items ever since. To replace it Nana got my mom Kitty Blanket, but it was never the right texture to be quite right, so she got to keep it! Doggie Blanket is warm and super soft from many years of use. I'm not really sure what the texture is, but it was before the days of fleece blankets. It has pilled very little, so it is still in perfect condition and the perfect thing to curl up in on the couch or in bed on a cold night.

The stuffed animal is Maybelle Moo-Cow. Growing up I only had two grandmothers, neither of which were very "grandmotherly" and neither of which lived close to me. Because of this I took to "adopting" relatives (this is a practice I still do and from time to time you'll see references to the "sister like" person or "nieces and nephews"). Jim and Maxine Trail were my adopted grandparents in Ardmore (Charlie and Teddie Jo Cundiff were my adopted grandparents when we traveled for business). When I was in about fourth grade Jim was in the hospital in Oklahoma City for something, for quite a little bit of time. We went up to visit him and someone had gotten him this very same cow to have for company in the hospital. Her name was Clarabelle. I guess I like the cow and mentioned it or something because for my next birthday they got me this cow. I named her Maybelle, no idea why, I guess it was a very "cowy" sounding name to me.

Both of these items have been hauled all over creation, though Maybelle's traveling days stopped a little bit earlier than Doggie Blanket's because it is fine to haul around a thick blanket, but you have to do a little more explaining with a stuffed animal as you get older. :)

Thirty Days: Day 28

something you don't leave the house without

Yes that is my ear. More specifically to this blog post is the earring in the previously mentioned ear.

I'm sure many of you when thinking "what does Wendy never leave the house with out?" would say cell phone (or some expletives regarding my phone), but I wrote a post on that a few weeks ago, so I thought I'd change it up from the obvious.

Then I got to thinking about, what do I never leave the house without? After wracking my brain for a bit on my way to Ardmore the other day I came up with this particular earring.

The only time I ever take it out is when I get my hair cut so it is always with me. When Crystal and I were in seventh or eighth grade we decided we wanted to get a second hole in both ears. Immediately upon asking both moms said NO. So that was out.

Well then I turned 18! I could do what I wanted! Some people get tattoos, but I'm not very tattoo-y, so yeah that was certainly out. I turned 18 in August and didn't get "pierced" until January. I think it was January 18. I know it was a Tuesday and I had just started dating a new guy over the weekend and he was coming to visit that night and go to Vespers at the Wesley Foundation with me.

My friends Kim and Abby went with me. Kim got a second hole in both ears and Abby got the top hole like I did. It didn't really hurt. Unless you were Kim and I was squeezing the living daylights out of your hand while telling EVERYTHING I could about this guy!

That night the guy came and visited and we went to one of his friend's apartments. Little did I know what a significant event THAT would turn out to be!

At that point it was still just a stud, which I'm sure I have around somewhere. Sometime in April, specifically Mom's Day weekend, I switched to the hoop and it has been the hoop ever since!

Thirty Days: Day 27

your biggest pet peeve

Victim Mentality!

I hate when people think that the world is out to get them. They whine and complain about the things that happen to them in their lives. Some people seem to think that every bad thing that happens to them is just more proof that their life sucks.

The whining, the complaining, and the moaning drive me nuts! This isn't to say that we can't all have bad days, sure we all do, however this is aimed at people who cannot see the bright side of things.

Relationships end, we don't get jobs we want, we don't get into the school we wanted. If everything in my life had gone just how I planned it I would probably be one of those miserable people. Luckily it didn't.

Did I cry a lot sometimes? Did I wish and pray for things to go another way? Of course! Do I look back now on those things with a thankful heart? Yes!

I'm not saying that everything in life is going to turn out wonderful and perfect, people get sick, people die, and that sucks. What I am saying is that if you are still alive and the people around you are healthy then you have a lot to be thankful for and a lot more than some people.

If you don't like where your life is then DO something about it! If you are miserable in your marriage, get a divorce. If the person you're dating is making you miserable let go of them. If you are totally crazy about someone, tell them. The worst thing you can do in life is nothing!

You must open yourself up to change. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote "we change, whether we like it or not." Change is inevitable. It is scary, but so many times when we step out on a limb, or are pushed out on a limb for that matter, life has this crazy way of working out the way that it is supposed to.

DO something with your life!

And remember, everything happens for a reason:

Thirty Days: Day 26

something you’re proud of in the past few days

Prepare for this post to be mildly vague.

I am proud of myself for deleting a few messages before I sent them.

I am proud of myself for not screaming at someone who is too stubborn to hear anything.

I am proud of myself for realizing when I am slipping back into bad habits that I have from the past.

I am proud of myself for not settling for less than I deserve.

I am proud of myself for keeping my mouth shut when I really don't want to.

Thirty Days: Day 25

someone you see yourself marrying in the future

I guess we'll do this from a fun perspective and not from a super serious one. Here is my grocery list of characistics for a future husband (please keep in mind that this is for fun and is not serious, for the most part ;) though there is some truth in it and some are more negotiable than others!):

• Methodist
• Christian Man
• Christian Father
• OU Fan
• Democrat
• Chevy guy
• Yankees Fan
• Celtics Fan
• Taller than me
• Athletic
• Can sing
• Married parents
• Good credit
• Good with money
• Career not a job
• Degree from OU (minimum bachelor’s)
• Wants kids
• Trust Fund

and a little more specific:

Amazing husband potential

-No cheating
-Respectful
-Interested in the things I am
-Willing to support me in the things I do
-Won’t complain about Junior League stuff

Amazing father potential
-Loving
-Kind

Christian
-Willing to not only go to church, but to be involved

Cheerful giver
-Wants to help the world like I do, and will support me in doing that
-Willing to let me have the spotlight
-Must be confident and sure in himself, so that when I shine he will not be jealous and it will not make him feel insecure

Thirty Days: Day 24

a photo of you last year and how you have changed since then

me and Allison at my "open the pool" party last May

How have I changed since last year?

Well for starters I'm BUSY! I don't think I realized that I could be as busy as I have been the last year.

This time last year I LOVED grad school, now not as much. I am really, really burnt out, however that burnt out-ness has caused me to be almost done!

I am (almost) officially a member of the Junior League of Norman (one official vote at May Dinner left :)).

I help lead a youth group.

I made a really good New Year's resolution that I have kept so far (though there was almost a slip).

I have realized my passion in life.

I have developed a plan of action to make my non profit happen.

I have welcomed three little nephews and one little niece into the world.

I have remembered my love of photography.

I successfully had the pool open for a whole season.

I caught the twitter!

I have come to some realizations about my past and am working on dealing with them, though it is really, really hard.

I haven't learned to say no yet, but I love all the things that I've gotten myself into.

I've made some of the best friends a girl could ask for.

I've encountered a couple of guys that have changed my life for the better.

I have made a lot of new friends.

I got snowed in NYC!

I got to see Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark (not a whole lot of the population can say that!).

I helped close a DHS office and became an expert at using a desk dolly.

I have realized how much I love writing and that I'm actually pretty good at it.

I rediscovered my bathtub.

I have realized that people will judge you no matter how much you don't judge others. They will stereotype you. They will assume things about you. You will never be able to live up to their expectations. What you do will never be 100% right to them.

However, I have also realized that those people are not worth my time. I can only be who I am. I like who I am. I like what I do. I like who I associate myself with. I am not going to lie and cover up anything that I do because I feel that causes more harm than good. I am not going to change myself to fit into someone else's mold of how I should be because of this activity or that activity. I am who I am and if you don't like that you are missing out on a pretty spectacular person.

I cannot be everything to everyone all the time, and that's okay, people will understand. I can only be the best me that I can be and if that's not good enough for you then you are not good enough for me.

Thirty Days: Day 23

a song that can instantly make you happy

Lately that song seems to be No Hands by Waka Flocka Flame. I realize this is totally random, however it reminds me of a really fun night when I went out dancing with some friends a few months ago. It can put me in the mood to dance instantly and always makes me smile. Crazy, huh? Not exactly my typical choice in music, but it works!



Thirty Days: Day 22

what makes you different from everyone else?

vs.

More than once I have called myself an oxymoron, which I suppose is better than a regular moron. When I say this I mean that I have a tendency to like completely opposite things or do completely opposite things. Here are some examples:

The photos above: my two favorite sounds are pointe shoes on a hardwood stage and a strike in a catcher's mitt.

I am an Information Technology Specialist (technical title is Information Systems Services Coordinator) and working on a Masters in Human Relations, wanting to start a non profit that helps people, not machines.

I work in IT and HATE new technology (believe me it took forever before I bought a DVD player).

I am as equally likely to be in church Sunday morning as I am to be out at a club or bar the night before.

I like to be by myself, but have to have plans all the time.

I love having plans all the time, but like to have free time too.

I am addicted to my cell phone, but love when it dies and I am without contact.

I was in band, but can't play an instrument.

I was in show choir, but can't sing.

My preference for clothes is either pajamas or full on dresses with heels.

I equally love sports and the arts.

I can talk about sports with the guys and know exactly what I'm talking about, but can talk about all things girlie with the girls.

We won't go there on political views, but let's just say I am either so far left or so far right that if you averaged everything I would be dead center.

I am terribly organized, however my house, car and desk at work are generally disaster areas.

I have a pool and can't swim.

That's all I can think of off the top of my head, but I don't think of myself as being wishy-washy I think of myself as being very well rounded. I can make friends with anyone and carry on a conversation with anyone.

Thirty Days: Day 21

a photo of yourself two years ago and how you've changed

I pulled this photo out of a folder labeled "Old Life." I had to crop it. I'm not going to lie, I timed this particular post for this particular day. Two years ago today I thought my life was over. It was 41 days before my wedding, my fiance and I had a huge fight the night before and Sunday, May 3, 2009 he walked into our bedroom, sat down and said we needed to talk. To say that I heard the other shoe drop is a vast understatement.

I was never one of those girls that dreamed about her wedding from the time she was a little girl. And I wasn't one of those girls that hoped to marry her high school sweetheart. On the contrary I spent my high school years telling my mother to let me date whoever I wanted and promising to never marry any of them. I had a friend when I was a freshman that I swear prayed for me every day when I said that I had no desire to get married at all, though live in boyfriends were completely fine (of course this particular friend also thought it was God's plan for her to grow up and marry a youth pastor).

Just before I went to college my friend Tricia got married. Well somewhere a light bulb went off and I wanted a wedding. I'm not sure that I really wanted a marriage so much at that point, but certainly a wedding. From there I had every little detail down. I even wanted to be a wedding planner for a period in time. I think part of this stemmed from the fact that ALL my friends were "coupled" and were dropping like flies when it came to getting engaged and married. It was almost like planning my fantasy wedding was my way to stay connected with my friends.

What is funny, however, is that when the weddings got closer and closer I removed myself from those friends. It was really hard to be around them when I knew their lives would be changing and mine would be staying the same; they would move on and I would get left behind; they were taking the next step and I wanted nothing more than to take that step with them.

It wasn't my time then and frankly it doesn't seem to be my time yet. I didn't date a lot in college and that was fine with me. It was hard when all the friends were pairing off, but there was just no one special in college.

I graduated in May 2004 and went into my first "big girl" job. I made a wonderful friend, Mary, who was also single and things couldn't have been better. Then she "coupled". The good news was that I "coupled" too! Oh, he was perfect. At least on paper. That relationship bounced up and down on a crazy emotional roller coaster for about seven months. He broke my heart time and time again.

We got into a fight one night and told me to have fun going out and he hoped that I met someone. I drank. A lot. And I did meet someone. Granted if it killed me I was going to meet someone, or several someones.

That night Mary got engaged. Boy, oh boy, here we go again.

I went home, where the guy was, and it turned out we actually were dating! Who knew? Well certainly not me. At any rate, I am the girl that can get dumped when she didn't know she had a boyfriend. That's me!

That was Sunday night. Monday night one of my friends text messaged me that one of the guys that I met on Friday wanted my number and asked if it was okay for me to give it to him. Of course I said yes. From the next day on we were inseparable.

What I didn't realize at the time was how I had let someone else determine the future of a relationship. I think I was so stubborn that I didn't want to let the ex win that I stayed in a relationship much, much longer than I should have.

Fast forward through four break ups, too many tears to count, four dogs, two houses and one totaled truck later we were engaged. A few weeks before we got engaged Mary and I went and saw Sex and the City, the first movie. I made a comment when we were eating sushi afterwards that I thought that would happen to me (if you haven't seen it, Big stands Carrie up on her wedding day). I don't even know why I said that, just a gut feeling I guess.

Then we were engaged. I thought wedding planning would be cake. I couldn't plan the wedding. I mean, could not plan it, at all. I guess I should have taken the fact that nothing would come together (besides my favorite photographer) as a sign, but I kept ignoring it. I was so certain that I had invested four years in this relationship and this was the way that it was supposed to be. In January the movie Bride Wars came out. Mary and I went to see it for our monthly girls' night. Through the whole movie I found myself relating to the character whose wedding didn't happen. Another sign. Then there was when he and I got into the huge fight while meeting with the wedding coordinator. And when I was with Mary at a dress fitting and she made a comment about whether the wedding would happen on the day it was supposed to.

That was when Mary knew that something was up. She knew that I knew that this wasn't going to happen.

That was almost a month before he called the wedding off. I knew that all the signs were there, but I didn't have the strength to end it.

To this day I am beyond grateful to him for that.

He gave me my life back.

He allowed me to smile again.

He allowed me to realize what I am meant to do with my life.

He allowed me to find my passion.

He allowed me to be the person that I was meant to be.

Very easily he could have continued to go through the motions, as we had been for quite some time, but he didn't. He had the strength to allow me to be free. I didn't have the strength for that at the time.

When all was said and done I had two options: allow this to consume me and ruin my life or allow myself to become a better person because of it. Thankfully I chose the latter.

So in the last two years here is what has changed:

I found out who my real friends were.
I have made some friends that I will keep forever.
I found an amazing church.
I lead a youth group now.
I joined Junior League.
I will be a committee chair next year, as well as a rep for an AJLI Action Learning Team.
I started my Masters.
I am only 12 hours away from finishing my Masters.
I learned how to work a swimming pool, all by myself (with a little help from my favorite pool store!).
I have successfully opened the pool twice.
I have met some of the best little people in the world and I can't imagine my life without them.
I have reconnected with an old friend or two.
I have conquered codependency.
And most importantly I have realized what I want out of life and am able to recognize what I don't want.

It has been a very fast two years. It is hard to believe that it has been this long. I have cried, a lot. I have hurt, a lot. If I had it to do over I wouldn't change it for the world. Every tear and hurt feeling has made me who I am today. I know that there are great things out there for me, just waiting for me to grab them. I know that if things had gone how I wanted them 730 days ago I wouldn't be here. I am glad that I'm where I'm at and I'm glad for where I'm going.

Thirty Days: Day 20

15 facts about you

1. I am a full time grad student

2. I work full time

3. I lead a youth group

4. I am a founding member of my church

5. I am a member of the Junior League of Norman

6. I am double placed next year for JLN: Done in a Day chair and Action Learning Team rep

7. After this semester (over on May 8!) I only have 12 hours left and I will be done with my Masters

8. Those 12 hours will take another year

9. I'm not very good at saying no to things

10. The pool makes me sad these days

11. I love taking pictures

12. My life is beyond scheduled and sometimes my friends don't understand that

13. I love to write

14. I love to read

15. I have recently become OBSESSED with the ins and outs of the British Royal family

Thirty Days: Day 19

a bad habit

I let other people control my emotions entirely too much. Someone can be mad at me or mean to me and I am done for the day. Even when people are teasing me a lot of times I take it too personally. I care too much about what people think about me and it controls my self esteem and self confidence. I wish it wasn't like this, but unfortunately it is.

Thirty Days: Day 18

your favorite childhood book

I loved reading when I was in first grade. For some reason from second through fourth I didn't so much. Then just before fifth grade I started getting a series of books called Girl Talk. All of a sudden I was in love with reading.

There were 45 of them and I love them all! From there I was hooked on reading and still am to this day. Here are some others that stand out in from my childhood as favorites:

I can still go into a book store and spend hours in the children's department.

Thirty Days: Day 17

a photo of somewhere you've been

I bet everyone thought I was going to post a New York picture! In 2002 I went to Hawaii for a week. Most people when going to a tropical paradise want to spend as many hours as possible on the beach, but not me. I had two things on the agenda: Pearl Harbor and Lilo and Stitch. Pearl Harbor was appealing because I am a big history buff (have a degree in it and all). Lilo and Stitch just looked like a great movie. Plus it was opening the weekend that we were there. I did miss the premier by two days (it was on Tuesday and we arrived on Thursday). Boo. It was still great. If you haven't seen Lilo and Stitch you should check it out, it has a great story. I thoroughly enjoyed the whole trip. I even looked into grad school there. Alas it didn't happen, but I look forward to going again!

Thirty Days: Day 16

the meaning behind your blog name

The blog was originally named My Organic Journey because I started blogging to follow the trials and tribulations of switching to organic foods. Well that was short lived as organic is expensive and the pool took all my time and money. So then it was Floating Through Life...and Trying Not to Drown. That was when I really started blogging. Recently I changed it again. Little black dresses and pearls are two of my favorite things in the world and staples in my wardrobe.

The original little black dress was created by Coco Chanel, which is a woman who I greatly admire. The dress became very popular when Audrey Hepburn wore one in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, a favorite movie of mine.

Pearls are classic. I wanted my husband to be to buy my first strand of pearls for a wedding gift. Since the wedding didn’t happen and we had already purchased his rings I was able to exchange them for my pearls. My pearls were a sign that I was ready to move on (though not as much as my diamond necklace), and so they mean a lot to me.

Thirty Days: Day 15

another picture of yourself

From a long, long time ago. Senior year of high school to be exact.

So much has changed since this was taken, yet so much is the same. I spent many years trying to be a grown up, so I thought. What I've realized, however, is that when I was in high school I didn't care what other people thought of me, I just was who I was. For many years after that I was exactly opposite and cared too much about what others thought. I think I am a little in between now. An equal part of the rebel who didn't care and the conformist who does.

Thirty Days: Day 14

someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

Leigh Anne Tuohy

Hands down, no questions asked. I adore this woman and everything she stands for. She has done so many wonderful things for the world and I pray I can do half as much as she's done. Not to mention she has published a book, which is one of my goals in life. I was blessed to have met her last fall, which afterwards I cried for a few hours because I felt like I was doing nothing and she'd done so much. Luckily I have a wonderful best friend that talked me off the ledge and reminded me that I will do great things like her, but I am laying a foundation for that right now. I don't generally look up to people very much, I kind of see everyone as on an even playing field. Leigh Anne Tuohy is someone I aspire to be like.

Also if I really got to trade places with her for a day I would right a hefty check to my non profit! (Hopefully while she was me she would see the good things that I want to do and would continue to write those checks when she got back to being her!)

(or Jill Goodacre so I could make out with Harry Connick, Jr. for a day and have him sing just to me!)

Thirty Days: Day 13

a TV show you're currently addicted to

Anything that has to do with these two!

I have never really been one for following the Royals from across the pond, but with this impending wedding I am obsessed! Granted like every other girl in the decade surrounding my birth I wanted to grow up and marry this particular prince. I mean really he had the best pick up line ever: I can make you a princess. Yeah melt my heart. I still remember where I was when I heard that Princess Diana died. I still remember her boys at the funeral. So sad. I am glad that Prince William seems to have found true love. I think Kate is just one of the most beautiful women ever. Not to mention all that she has put up with to get here. I do feel sorry for her to a point (even though I should hate her for becoming a princess!) because the wedding will be such a spectacle (of course I will be one of those watching!).

To William and Kate, good luck and congratulations this weekend!

Thirty Days: Day 12

your celebrity crush

I could go with someone obvious like Brad Pitt or George Clooney, however that just wouldn't be me.

Rocco Dispirito 

All I have to say is YUM-O! He's beautiful and he cooks, healthy food. I love him.

Matthew Morrison

He's beautiful and he sings. Need I say more?

Combine these two and we may have the perfect man!

Thirty Days: Day 11

a photograph of the town you live in

Norman, Oklahoma

how I love you

Though it could almost be call OU, Oklahoma

However you look at it I love it just the same and it is home now.