Sunday, April 3, 2011

A New Ten Day Challenge: Day One: 16 Randoms

I am just going to post the first 16 things that come to my mind, so in no way is this all there is to me.

1. I work 40 hours a week, take 9 hours of grad school a semester, help lead a youth group, and am really involved with Junior League of Norman. I love all of it, but I'm tired.

2. Most days I embrace the fact that I'm single, some days not so much. I bought the Pink Greatest Hits...So Far cd a few weeks ago and track 14 has this lyric:
"Your whole life waiting for the ring to prove you're not alone."
Well if that doesn't just hit the nail on the head. On Valentine's Day I had a conversation with one of my single friends (who is equally as fabulous as myself) and she said something to the affect of this "why is it that I have a great job that I love, own a home, have a great social life and it still feels like there is something missing?" That is the question of the decade! It is frustrating to see so many people all coupled off and to not be one of those and be looked at like you are the outcast. I talked to a friend who said that he has trouble being around his brother because his brother is married and has one kiddo and one on the way and he is so jealous that it has hurt their relationship. I went through the same thing with one of my best friends, it was really hard for me to be her friend while she was pregnant. This whole thing frustrates the living daylights out of me! I am happy for my friends and their happiness, but it still comes down to the question: why am I not enough for me? (I blame society and I think society should pay for my therapy ;))

3. Much lighter: I have a pool and do not know how to swim

4. I let other people's opinions of me dictate how I feel about myself entirely too much. The events in my life completely affect all aspects of my life, from mood, to health, to everything. I am trying to work on this and just live my life for myself and no one else, but that is really hard.

5. I am starting a non profit that will either be the most amazing thing ever, or will be the death of me. As opposed to the rant in number 2, if I was married and had kids I would not be able to be doing this, and for that I feel extremely blessed that I am single.

6. I am codependent. I try really hard not to be, but I am a fixer and want to fix everyone's problems because I know I am strong enough to handle them. I would take every worry, problem and anxiety away from all the people I care about if I could. I am working on this and am being challenged by it right now.

7. Because of number 6 I am terrified to be in a relationship again. I am so worried that I will choose wrong, or get back into a codependent relationship that makes me miserable (for the bazillionth time). I have to find a man that will understand this.

8. I don't regret anything. Period. I keep close ties with people from my past (yes that is code for ex boyfriends) because they made me who I am today and for that I am eternally grateful. Anyone in my life is going to have to accept that.

9. My favorite places are New York City, Austin, Hawaii and Kansas City.

10. I have a new found appreciation for where I grew up. I even feel very, very lucky to have grown up there. I can't wait to be in a relationship and take a vacation to Ardmore.

11. I am a worrier, really bad.

12. I am a planner.

13. After some events in the past few years of my life I trust my gut, completely and totally.

14. I really prefer hanging out with guys more than girls. There is a lack of testosterone in my life and that frustrates me.

15. I love all my "nieces and nephews" more than anything, though none of them are blood related. I truly do not feel you have to have a blood connection to be family, and because of that I have a HUGE family.

16. I am destined for greatness and will change the world.

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