Friday, April 22, 2011

Right Where I Belong

For those of you that have been around me the last few months they haven't been, well, great. I have not been happy in Norman. Of all places I was happiest when I was in Ardmore. I loved being in Tulsa when I was there for two weekends for class. Norman just has not been cutting it.

The last few days have been really bad. When I am in Norman my life is very structured (example, today: drinks after work, Maundy Thursday service, Stella and Dot/31 party, movie at Travis'). It's like this most every day. I thought when my Research class was over I would slow down and have evenings free. What was I thinking? I don't seem to remember what free time is or how to get it (people keep saying it is by saying this word that is foreign to me: no).

I also have not felt like I was fitting into my own life very well. I am involved in all kinds of things (work, school, Junior League, church) and I just didn't feel like I fit. Granted there were a lot of other things in my life falling down around me and I allowed certain people to get the better of me, when I shouldn't have because they are not worth my time and energy.

Though certain aspects of my life haven't really gotten much better I have learned (or been reminded of) a few things this week:
  • I have amazing friends that love me just the way that I am
  • I am smart and other people recognize that (one of my classmates, who I don't really know, emailed me her paper for our Research class for me to check over for her)
  • I have a lot to offer the world
  • I have a lot of good ideas
  • People talk about my drive and ambition behind my back (which is a good thing)
  • I am a social butterfly
  • I have two of the most amazing friends a girl could ask for that form the standard "we" in my life these days
  • I make friends easily and it is awesome when new friends call you up to go out randomly
  • I probably take for granted the people in my life that I have acquired in the last two years, but when you look back and count them I can't imagine my life without them
  • I am on the verge of doing great things
  • I think I may have found my, selfish, way to make an impact
  • I am constantly finding people that want to help with my non profit and who encourage me to keep going even when I feel like giving up
  • I have an amazing church family that I wouldn't trade for anything
  • I made an A in my Research class (it was touch and go I thought, though I thought I bombed my last test and got a 93 on it, so not too bad)
  • I am done with two out of three classes for the semester and only have three assignments to go in the third
  • I have a boss that really, truly cares about me and my well being (and who I can go into her office crying and she hugs me and tells me it's going to be okay and it's fine not to be perfect)
  • I know there are genuinely good people in the world that believe the same things I do and I am glad to have found another one of those tonight
  • I have friends who will let me cry, but tell me I'm ridiculous for the reason I'm crying and tell me I'm amazing
All of that being said I am tired. Unfortunately it seems when I get to the point of complete mental exhaustion it seems that I take on a new project or two (yeah that's the case this time too). Some times I feel like I am starting to get a handle on things and then something else falls apart (read: pool). I am thankful to have a wonderful group of women in my life, most of whom I am still getting to know, that always seem to put a smile on my face when I am around them (and I have really needed that the last two days).

Overall, even with all the stress life is good right now. I think I am just in a juggling phase. Two years ago I was left with no social life besides a few (wonderful) friends that stuck by me when I gave everything up to be in a relationship. I think I have over stimulated myself to make up for those years. The problem is that I have thrown myself into a lot of things that I am very passionate about and that I want to do. Luckily some of those things are temporary (read: school, only 6 hours of class and 6 hours of internship and I'm DONE) and those that are true passions are going to become more and more prevalent in my life. We shall see where the road takes me, but for now I'm pretty sure I am right where I belong.

NOTE: if you would like to donate to the "Save the Pool" fund just let me know. There may be details on what happened to the pool if I can ever say or type it without crying.

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